What's the best phone is the market?

Okay, my question is too vague. I know that. lol. I might want a new phone soon. I'm still using an antique Nokia BB-like phone (3 or 4 years I guess, which is a century in terms of mobile phone technology). It's still going strong after a million drops (and throws). If I were to buy a phone, which one should I get according to the list below?

I want a <4.5" or an ~5.5" phone. And I want it thin. 4.5" is just right for my hands. 4.8" seems too big for my hands to be comfortable. It's still useable for my hands, just not as comfortable. I either go one handed or double handed. I also want thin phone with little bezel, because the thinner it is, the larger the screen I can have.

I want a phone with removable storage. Internal storage seems freaking expensive. If you can find any phone with cheap internal storage, it would definitely be a plus. I'm guessing that internal storage is faster. And the total storage I need is >32GB

I don't want iTunes. Ugh, it's so troublesome trying to get those songs into the phone.

I don't want clutter. Is there a need for a reason? I want a phone with little or no clutter. If it is cluttered, I don't mind, as long as it is easily rooted, and has a good community of rooters supporting it.

I don't need an App Store with hundreds and thousands of Apps. Of course, the more apps, the better. But then, I want quality apps, not quantity of apps. Also, I don't think I'm going to be gaming with phones, so no need for lots of games. Games would be a plus though. Here's something important, I want all social apps and productivity apps in the store, as that would be what I am mostly using it for.

I want to type as easily as on an iPhone.

Weight is not my priority, but I don't want a brick.

I want a decent camera with good amount of pixels. 5MP is just right (I don't mind it being higher though). Any lower is definitely decreasing, any higher doesn't bring much more resolution (except that PureView, of course). I want a camera with good dynamic range on the bright parts. I want good low light performance too. iPhone 4S' camera is the benchmark - which translates to a Sony sensor.

I want it to be absolutely smooth. I want it to be smooth, no lags, at all. I don't need crazy graphics and mad processors. As long the phone is smooth after rooting, I don't mind the out of the box performance. And the smoothness should also last for a few generation of the OS.

I want my phone to be pretty customizable.

I don't mind plasticy feelings as long as it is strong enough to withstand some drops. As long as it is durable, who cares? I also want the buttons to function well. Build quality issues are no nos.

I shouldn't want to be able see any pixels on screen. That would translate to >200PPI for normal screens and >300PPI for pentile screens. For those who say there are no big difference, I agree. But still, with pentile, it doesn't live up to its PPI specification in real life, and it's proven that pentile screens' sharpness is generally 2/3 of that of normal screens.

Super AMOLED? IPS? Who cares? I'm not photo editing on my phone, I got my computer for that. I want good viewing angles, that's all. I like colorful screens too, as long as they are not too vibrant till they saturate (which is normally a problem for dull screens which try to make their screen more vibrant by tuning the color via software, just like TVs) and doesn't hurt my eyes.

RAM? Tell me what I need. I don't know how RAM works on phone, so you decide.

I want crazy battery life. Give me great battery life! I want it to last for at least two days. I'm guessing my usage per day will be 15 minutes of talk time, 5 minutes of games, 30 minutes of browsing the internet, 45 minutes of social/productivity apps.

OS? Who cares? As long as there are no prominent bugs and it goes hand to hand with my requirements, I don't mind. I want it to be intuitive and have good support too.

Stylus input compatibility is a cool thing for me.

I love pretty designs too, but my go to color is black, or at least give me a black front panel.

Button placement should be ergonomic, and having the headphone jack at the bottom of the phone, just like the iPhone, is a good thing.

I want a phone with removable batteries - in case my battery dies, I don't want to shell out billions of dollars for fixing it.

To be able to use it under the sun is definitely a plus.

I like Smart Stay.

I like the humor of Siri.

I want a decent amount of accessories for it.

I want the cheapest phone that goes with my requirements.

Did I miss out anything? Gosh, this is long.