"How I Achieved Greatness on a Sonic The Hedgehog-Themed Bed"

Last week, I posted a link to The Penny Arcade Report, citing its in-depth editorials over real-world gaming industry happenings as a shining example of gaming journalism done right. Today, my friends, I'd like to show you how gaming journalism can go fantastically wrong. Thank Kris Kail and Kotaku.com for bringing us this masterpiece of reporting:

How I Achieved Greatness on a Sonic The Hedgehog-Themed Bed.

You may be wondering, "is this going where I think it's going?" The answer to that question is unfortunately a resounding yes. No witty commentary or scathing criticism of this article could possibly get across the sheer horror of this article as comprehensively as the article itself, so here are some choice excerpts.

Sonic fans sometimes have a notorious reputation among the general internet populace that we're terribly annoying, way too demanding, and that we have an unwarranted sense of entitlement. As a fan, I can boldly proclaim that while all of that is 100 percent factual (in an opinion kind of way), I can also say that I'm the only Sonic fan, nay, the only gamer to get a girl to sleep with me upon a bed of Sonic.

I invited her over my apartment, and of course she wanted to see my bedroom. She broke out into hysterical laughter at my over-the-top Sonic the Hedgehog room, and I will admit I was a little embarrassed at first, but she was totally into it. She thought it was endearing, in a way. We then had sex on the fabled Sonic the Hedgehog blanket, and it was good.

My next goal is to decorate my room in My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic memorabilia and see if my girlfriend doesn't make me sleep in the yard for a week. Once you get tied down everything starts looking more and more like an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond.

This is it, ladies and gentlemen. This is the current state of popular gaming journalism. Funny story: David Jaffe recently slammed Kotaku, calling it a "fucking tabloid." Way to prove him wrong!