How not to use a 5D Mark III or any Pro DSLR for that matter

Ok, so I was reading the Techradar review of the Mk 3 and I came across this comment from some guy called HarryB:

I bought this camera because I need higher quality profile pictures for my Facebook. My 1.3 megapixel (I think that's what it is called) camera on my flip phone wasn't cutting it. I make a dang good sexy-duck-face and with 22 glorious megapixels, it really shines. I would have given it fives stars except it hurts my wrist to hold it one handed while taking said sexy-duck-face pictures.

Also, I want a camera that earned me some respect. Nothing says serious photographer like a camera that cost as much as my car. I will admit that I am new to photography but that's ok. This camera almost takes the pictures for me. I get respect from all of my Instagram friends with this camera. Only problem is...I can't seem to find the "grundge" filters on it. I docked a star for that. Now if only I could find a good set of railroad tracks...

Also another problem, the touch screen on this camera seems to be broken. I am thinking of taking it back but don't want to deal with the hassle.

I also had an issue when I first starting taking photos. Nothing ever turned out. Luckily I called a friend of mine who let me borrow a lens. What kind of a camera maker ships a camera without a lens?

I also don't think this camera needs all of those extra features. I mean seriously, who uses anything but "Auto"? Waste of space if you ask me. Plus the Tv function doesn't seem to work. Question for the masses... Anyone know of a good antenna for this? I'd love to watch my shows on this thing. I prefer if it was something discrete. I don't want to have to carry a set of rabbit ears around if you know what I'm saying.

So to sum it up.

Takes good pictures
I feel pretty cool with this hanging around my neck
I get respect when people see this

Hurts my wrist when taking self portraits
Doesn't come with a lens
Too many modes. I just want "Auto"
Can't find the "grundge" filters
Touch screen on back is broken.
Internal Antenna doesn't work. Looking for a good external one if anyone knows of a good brand.

Would I Recommend It?:
If it wasn't for all the respect I get when people see this hanging around my neck it would be a toss up.

I was startled when he said wanted to use this to take pictures for Facebook, I mean why get a FF camera when all you wanted to do was to take facebook pictures, use just auto mode, and use instagram like filters? And he even said he wanted to watch shows on it, and he EVEN said the 'touchscreen' didn't work. Finally he said 'it makes looks cool'.He's a massive joke, I don't think this guy even know what a DSLR is.

If I were him, I'd get a Samsung MV800.