P'i808 PureMAXX Styluxe Tour 4G LTE review

An abomination amongst smartphones — or something more?

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The world's first truly OS-agnostic Mobile Device

Prior to the mergers of Nokia and RIM, and subsequently Apple and Motorola, there were brief suggestions that all four companies had corroborated on a cell phone that was truly free of any dedicated OS. A mobile phone generated via widespread customer surveys, it was as hotly anticipated as the now completely defunct TabCo's (FusionGarage) Grid4. At Mobile World Congress this year, RIMMolea CEO Matias Duarte suggested this new P'i808 would be the very embodiment of what gadget lovers worldwide expressly wanted in a daily-driver mobile device. In a truly stupfying conference, Matias announced the P'i808 PureMAXX Styluxe Tour 4G LTE smart phone.

Up to bat with Nokia's now-Facetime-capable 41-megapixel sensor, the P'i808 PureMAXX Styluxe Tour 4G LTE is an astounding achievement for the four now-partnered companies. Dual A6 processors brought to the table by Apple are indeed a nice touch, although it leaves much to be desired in the way of battery life. Dedicated volume, camera, forward, reverse and play controls are nice to have, however some might say that 6 dedicated side buttons might be slightly overwhelming for the average user. Also packing dual HD 1080p rear cameras is a befuddling arrangement to come to market with, but they do record excellent video from multiple angles. The omission of any front-facing camera is a true mystery.

Hardware

A complete bastardization of a number of mobile phone form-factors, free of any bound OS.

A woven Kevlar-Gorilla Glass backing is surely welcomed by iPhone users as it provides extra support in the event that you ever get shot by a mugger aiming for the exact centre of the phone.

RIMMolea's (Nokia) PureView camera technology has been in the works for over twenty-five years, which is difficult to discern from the phone's design. The front of the device is not quite comprehensible and seems to be ever changing and shifting slightly every time you pick up the handset. I'm sure this has everything to do with the survey-generated form-factor which heavily relies on a nearly invisible keyboard borrowed from the former RIM's Porsche-designed P'9981.

The inclusion of Motorola iDEN technology is about as mystifying as the keyboard, this device supports true iDEN Direct Connect, enabling the user to have Push To Talk conversations with, I'm sure, absolutely no one else considering the iDEN network has been disbanded, no pun intended.

Camera

ASTOUNDING, BREATHTAKING, LITERALLY STUPEFYING...

Sporting 3 HD cameras, all capable of Facetime, this mobile device really does chew through battery power just about as fast as a PowerSource handset from Sprint way back in the day. Having the ability to handle a 3-to-1 Facetime conversation is a welcome upgrade from the phone-sex experience of yesteryear. With three HD cameras, the phone was reasonably well equipped to handle 'video calls' with up to three mistresses, simultaneously.

Battery life, reception, and audio

Sporting three cameras and five radios ain't no thing...

The battery on the P'i808 lasts about 25 minutes, a step up from Motorola's of yesteryear. Of course, supporting 4G, LTE, iDEN, GSM, CDMA and WiMAX radios is a difficult task for any well-designed battery, but this phone definitely falls short of anything even remotely respectable in the battery life department.

Software

HP Web os out of the box is an unexpected but probably cost effective move...

A phone that allows the end user to install the mobile OS of their choice is a far cry from the roots this phone has in RIM, Motorola, Nokia and Apple. Users have been lusting after a true black slab device for years but this RIMMorola device finally brings mobile virtualization to the table with a fantastic mix of out-of-this-world hardware and dual A6 chips capable of running everything from Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough to iOS 8.0.

Wrap-up

The P'i808 is the most absurdly designed handset... that you'll buy this year.

Way back in the day, a phone with 5 radios and 3 cameras may have seemed bonkers but RIMMolea certainly brought all they're capable of to the table with this fantasticly whimsical device. Being able to virtualize any mobile OS is a great feature for those still addicted to BBM but dabbling in iMessage.

In short, you will buy this phone. It's absolutely perfect from a design standpoint. Having ripped-off 32 designed in the formation of the form-factor, the P'i808 is a device you will not soon leave home with. Even though it violates the Verge's policies, I'm taking four home. One for me and 3 for my mistresses.

In all seriousness, anyone that can successfully guess all 30+ smart phones used in the composition of the "P'i808" (OR which phones make up the name) will win a prize!