The Dark Knight Rises (Spoilers)

it was a bit of a tease on the vergecast when josh said he wanted to post on the dark knight. i was really curious to read what he thought. I decided to post my own issues with the flick. are they possibly insane and nitpicky? eh, who knows. i'll sure you'll tell me one way the other.

i will say this, if you walked away from the movie with a generally good impression of it, this won’t change your mind. nor is it really meant to, either. while the movie was an emotionally satisfying end to the trilogy, i had a hard time enjoying it because the execution was rather sloppy.

1. so, you mean to tell me that batman survived a 4 megaton explosion with a 6 mile radius? he stayed in the bat for at least 60 seconds before it blew up. and the implication is that he used the auto pilot that he fixed (never mentioning it to fox and lying about fixing it to selena) to escape. so
when did he jump into the freezing cold water...that killed everyone else who fell into it. maybe he used the lift from the explosion to glide away. better yet, maybe the radiation heated up the water for him.

2. how is it that levitt knew that he was batman after meeting him one time 8 or 9 years ago? never met him as batman, but only saw him once. “yup, that’s batman.” this would make jim gordon the dumbest police officer ever after having interacted with both batman & bruce wayne, driving a tumbler and spending a significant amount of time tracking tumblers that came from wayne enterprises.

3. if i ever go to prison, send me to bane’s prison. the prisoners will tell me bedtime stories, not gang rape me, help me escape because there are no guards and a ghost of my mortal enemy (real or imagined) will help me reach the incorrect conclusion about who his child is. sure, they’ll take my batsuit, but not my magical leg brace that lets me kick through pillars. i’m assuming that they didn’t take it because he needed a cane at the beginning of the flick.

4. how stupid is the SEC? so, bane makes trades using wayne’s fingerprints and leaves. No one concluded that, “wow, something really fucked up happened here.” yet, there it is in the newspaper that wayne was the one that did it? i know they said long term they could prove fraud, but that seems like something that someone should be able to deduce immediately.

5. i’m a juris doctor, not a medical doctor, but having a vertebrae protruding from your spine that gets snapped back into place like a lego piece by a monk/prisoner/dirty old man doesn’t lend itself to being able to beat the guy who pummeled you a few months earlier. oh, wait, i’m sorry, bruce did some situps, push ups and pull ups. that was the problem the first time.

6. miranda tate/ talia hated him for murdering her father. why did she sleep with him after
he gave her the company? he obviously already trusted her. for that matter, if at the end of the day, they still used force to turn on the reactor (kidnapping fox and other board members) why did they need to get miranda in control of the board? oh, because it gave them a reason to have daggett hire selena kyle who stole the fingerprints...so they could execute a stupid plan outlined in #4. this point also underlines the plot of the entire film. she joined the board, convinced wayne to build this clean energy reactor with the intent to blow it up all along which means that she was there for YEARS planning this. just seems a bit silly. especially considering, as i said, that force was used to accomplish their goals anyway.

7. bruce returns to gotham. i’ll give it to them that he could sneak in and not be seen, batman is widely known for his stealth. but, let’s ponder how a man with no resources, no passport, not a cent to his name and no contacts at all made it back from god knows where. even when he was in asia, alfred had to pick him up with a jet. once he got back his lack of urgency was pretty bad. not only did he take time to shave, but he also found a way to use a flare light up as the batsymbol on a bridge in fire. you can’t tell me that took less than an hour. in the threat of nuclear holocaust, sure, why not? let’s have fun with gasoline. also, at the point where you realize the one man that can stop you has returned, blow up the fucking city, if that’s your plan and you have the ability.

8. speaking of nuclear holocaust, the threat of nuclear annihilation must have made bane suddenly more credible. when he reads gordon’s speech on top of a tumbler, why would anyone believe anything he says? all of the events he read from that speech could only be verified by gordon, so if he just went on tv like he’d planned, “it wasn’t me.” boom, problem solved. and speaking of credibility, if everyone believed the bomb was real and the threat was real, why play this game of moving it around. put it in a lead lined bunker and be done with it.

9. another issue with the prison scene, why would anyone in that prison work for bane? they don’t know him or anything about him. they’d only heard of him a few hours before. i don’t give a damn if he did free them. he looked like darth vader on steroids. speaking of which, it would have been nice if he’d shown some emotion. come on bane, even darth vader raised his voice and you, sir, are no darth vader.

10. there’s also bad editing. when miranda and gordon are brought to court for judgment, bane says, “bring her (miranda) to me.” once bruce is caught, she’s standing next to fox. later, when he asks, “where is she,” fox says she’s with bane. sorry, what?

11. why is it that in the dark knight they spent so much time talking about batman not wanting to kill? in this one, he told catwoman no guns. he definitely murders a few people in this movie. starting with the driver of the bomb truck (with the guns on the bat), he then kills talia by causing her to drive off the road (his role is undeniable, but whether he killed her is debatable. much like neeson in batman begins) and he probably kills the guys in the tumbler who shot the missiles at him (by guiding their missile back at them).

12. Another thing regarding dark knight, bruce explains to robin how the point of batman was that he could have been anyone, yet bruce spent the beginning of the last movie beating up guys who were trying to do it? he even said it wasn’t what he was trying to inspire to alfred. granted, they were trying to kill people, but he never let on that he wanted someone else to be batman. Only that he wanted someone without a mask to protect the city.

13. bane is so incapacitated without his mask that he can barely fight. so why is it that when ra’s finds him in prison, he’s just sitting in the corner like the kid no one picked for kickball?

i could go on, but why? there were some things that were just lame or weird, like blake’s real name being robin, bane being reduced to a dog on a leash, bane's age (he'd have to be pushing 50 if he was 20 in those flashbacks), an army living and burrowing right under wayne tower, them trying painfully hard to avoid mentioning the joker (which was disrespectful to how well heath did in that role). this movie wasn’t nearly as good as the last one, which had its own issues. are my thoughts nitpicky? possibly, but it was hard to watch this without bells going off. i liked how they ended bruce’s story. as i said, that was emotionally satisfying, but they didn’t do it elegantly. in my humble opinion, it was very sloppy.