Patent on Toast, yep. You heard that right.

This patent was issued in 2000 (yep 2000 A.D). It seemed like an amusing and light-hearted segue from the recent patent lawsuits;

One of the claims;

1. A method of refreshing bread products, comprising:

a) placing a bread product in an oven having at least one heating element,b) setting the temperature of the heating elements between 2500 F. and 4500 F., andc) ceasing exposure of the bread product to the at least one heating element after a period of 3 sec. to 90 sec.

Link: Patent on toast

presented to you without comment or judgement, but seriously, read the original description of the patent, it is incredibly surreal, it's like watching the apes from 2001: a space odyssey learn to use tools, in slow motion.