"Uhhhhhh, this is your captain speaking. We seem to be experiencing some minor turbulence inside the cabin. Please fasten your seat belts and please remember, there is no smoking inside the aircraft at any time. Thank you."

"Uhhh, this your captain again. It appears that the aircraft itself is the one that's breaking the 'no smoking' rule. I apologize for the witch hunt. We will now be doing an emergency landing so that the aircraft can smoke in peace. Please make sure your seat belt is fastened and that all electronic devices are turned off. Especially those playing Chip Chain. I know it's addicting, but it can wait 10 minutes."

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