Worst iOS Devices?


This post serves as a counterpoint to the usual "Greatest Of All Time" threads. Earlier this morning I was all too happy to jump into a current Android thread about the best device running Googles operating system. While I love stock Android, there are no sacred cows with me. I was excited to import a Galaxy Nexus, but once activated, the beautiful OS was ruined by an android of shoddy manufacture.

"You know what you look like to me, with your good bag and your cheap shoes? You look like a rube. A well-scrubbed, hustling rube, with a little taste. Good nutrition's given you some length of bone, but you're not more than one generation from poor white trash, are you, Agent Starling? And that accent you've tried so desperately to shed - pure West Virginia. What does your father do? Is he a coal miner? Does he stink of the lamp? You know how quickly the boys found you. All those tedious, sticky fumblings in the back seats of cars, while you could only dream of getting out. Getting anywhere, getting all the way to the F...B...I."

- Hannibal Lecter "Silence of the Lambs"

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While I have dreams of Nokia producing the perfect Android phone, for the conceivable future I'll primarily stick with iOS. I love my iPhone, I love my iPad. But I'm not an apologist for the mass produced tools I use, they are not perfect. My iPhone and iPad have both crashed before. And some iOS devices have bizarre flaws in their design.

"You see a lot, Doctor. But are you strong enough to point that high-powered perception at yourself? What about it? Why don't you—why don't you look at yourself and write down what you see? Maybe you're afraid to."

- Clarice Starling "Silence of the Lambs"

I hope you enjoy my personal list of the Worst iOS Devices :-)

iPod Touch, 2010

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While it may seem obvious today that the iPod Touch would help crush the point and shoot camera market alongside smartphones with Tofu-ier cameras, just a couple generations back the little bastard didnt even have a front facing camera! A fate shared by the Original iPad, it seemed destined to prop up sales of the NEXT model. "Oh look!" Phil Schiller would exclaim by the projection screen with staged amazement, "a CAMERA! Isnt this wild? Isnt this just the coolest thing you've seen this decade?!?!? We at Apple listened to what consumers want, and 11 year old Edgar Neubauer of Wyoming wrote in to let us know how important a front facing camera would be to his preteen life, Facetiming with his grandparents! Awwwwwwwww!" OR, we would be told how "Steve was fast asleep one night, and he suddenly bolted upright with inspiration: LETS GIVE THE iPOD TOUCH A 23 CENT CAMERA! He's a Genius!!!!"

Engadget "Hey Maybe That iPod Touch With A Camera Is Real After All"

Gizmodo "Steve Jobs Gives His Reasons For Lack Of Camera In iPod Touch"


According to iFixit, there is space for a nano-style video camera in the iPod touch, but not enough for a still camera like the iPhone. This new information, combined with previous rumors and photos, suggests the strong possibility of a future touch with a camera. As to why Apple did not include a camera in the third generation iPod touch, perhaps technical issues were to blame, or perhaps it was a desire to keep a certain amount of feature distance between the iPod touch and iPhone.

Seeing as the iPhone earns more income for Apple than the touch through revenue sharing, it would be no surprise if the touch was crippled to protect iPhone sales. Disappointing, but not surprising.


Giga Om "iPod Touch Missing Camera Mystery Solved"

Leo Laporte takes New York Times' David "I'm not a journalist!" Pogue to school about going easy on Steve Jobs, the Cameraless iPod Touch.

1hr 29m Steve Jobs "the reason we haven't put a camera in the iPod Touch is because we're repositioning it as a games machine"
1hr 51m "the blogs found a hole in the iPod Touch for a camera later"

TWiT Episode 213 "The Dog In The Bookcase" post show interview

NYTPick post on the TWiT Interview with David Pogue

And speaking of incremental updates.......

iPhone 3GS, 2009

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The iPhone 3GS had the styling and finesse of Danny DeVito crossed with Non-Ke$ha Tik Tok. For full effect, combine the design and marketing restraint of a large American car. They even changed the text on the back to add more chrome! "The fastest, most powerful iPhone yet." A rather lame claim to fame, and it leaves room for future improvement....


"So while it's tough to argue with the package Apple has put together (a stellar device with just enough new to make it nearly perfect), we couldn't help feeling a bit let down by the 3GS. Maybe we've been spoiled by devices like the Pre and Ion(and it's possible we're a little numb to OS 3.0 since we've played with the beta for a while now), but the additions of video recording, a compass, and a speed bump just don't seem that compelling to us."

Joshua Topolsky, Engadget iPhone 3GS Review As we know, the Palm Pre and whatever the hell the "Ion" was took over the smartphone market, leaving poor Apple (and no doubt Samsung) to fight over third place ;-)

Who would spend around a thousand dollars outright for an "Apple i-Phone Three Gee Ess"? It sounds like the name of "PSY's" inevitable South Korean sex tape! Throw in "with LTE" and you'd have the most Samsung named product yet!


Following the trend of making a solid product with a couple obvious flaws to make early adopters buy version 1.0.1, sold as a whole new model....

iPad Mini, 2012

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While it may have been announced on my birthday, the same day Frodo Baggins woke up in Rivendell, the iPad Mini has a major flaw. Its got a crap screen! Hey Apple, you've invented the Tablet after so many failed Microsoft prototypes tried to escape Area 51, and after selling us on the need for "Retina Displays" over the past couple years....you give us THIS low res thing? Sure, it has fantastic build quality, app selection....and I guess its at least got a front facing camera....but c'mon, you really COULDN'T give it a "resolutionary" screen?



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While its technically possible to still use devices with a bad screen, surely we can expect better from Apple Inc? I'm sure the second generation will "somehow" manage to pack the extra pixels in. It may require a visit from Force Ghost Jobs

"Gee, I dunno Steve, I just dont think we can do it!"

"SILENCE! LISTEN COOK-Y, YOU HAVE FAILED ME FOR THE LAST TIME! MOAR PIXELZ NAOW!!

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NO, WAIT! Save it for the NEXT generation and take their money twice! That'll fix the shareprice problem for sure!

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Now will someone please see what happened to the friggin chai latte that I ordered a half hour ago? And make sure it is at exactly 165 degrees? And yes, I mean Fahrenheit, not Celsius. Jesus! Do you realize how hot 165 degrees Celsius would be?....."





Which iOS devices have ruined your life? :-)