Conspiracy: Why The Verge Can't Rename 'Android Army'

5 months ago Josh made a post acknowledging The Verge's awareness that it may no longer be appropriate to call the Google hub by the name "Android Army". In that thread, The Verge moderator Alexander Thompson (DrTechno) listed 11 other threads on the same topic, dating back to November 2011 when The Verge originally launched (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11).

When, 15 months and 11 threads after launch, the fearless leader himself acknowledges that a name change is called for, and 5 months after that the problem remains, what reason could possibly explain the failure to deliver on such an obvious and simple improvement?


My theory is that Josh had personally been overseeing the name change from the beginning. He had the best and the brightest at The Verge working around the clock to rename the title from Android Army to Google Hangout. But, just when he was preparing to unveil the update, the rash of Chinese (because if the US government—which has never lied or drummed up propaganda—accuses its most powerful competition of something, then it must be true) hackers infiltrated The Verge's computers and managed to implement a digital block that even The Verge's best have been unable to crack. The Verge has been silent on the matter ever since, because they don't want to reveal that during the incident all of our email addresses were compromised. So not only is it physically impossible to change the name, but to comment on the matter (and thus reveal the compromise) would be a fatal blow to The Verge's integrity. He then died.

As a final comment, I speak for the entire The Verge community when I say the most appropriate and reasonable name remains Google Hangout, and that Google Playground and GooglePlex (the other popular suggestions) are thoroughly ridiculous and were probably suggested and upvoted by Chinese hackers because they hate our freedom and have a perfectly unprovoked desire to see us suffer. I sincerely hope soon The Verge manages to regain control of their website and implement such a basic and officially reasonable improvement as changing the title of the Google hub to something more appropriate than "Android Army".