A week ago, Kotaku posted up a collection of update notes by the creators of The Sims. The game's similarities to real life and the concise nature of the notes led to the collection reading less like updates and more like a bizarre piece of performance art:
- Babies will no longer be born to single parents.
- Fish are no longer duplicated in the fridge when moving homes.
- Pregnant Sims can no longer "Brawl."
- Sims that have been turned into a Ghost will no longer receive an extra diploma.
- Fixed an issue that could cause a teen to be trapped in a child's body when traveling to the future at the exact moment of a birthday.
As The Atlantic notes, when journalist Andrew Losowsky posited that these notes could be interpreted as poetry, Joel Dueck took it upon himself to adapt them into verse. The results are fantastic; so little has changed from source to poem, and yet it reads as if it were an original composition. The full poem, titled Patch Notes, can be read on Dueck's site The Local Yarn, but here's a brief excerpt of one of its finer moments.
"There used to be an issue that caused relationships to break
when traveling to Egypt, China, or France,
and one that made people disappear from the world
when exiting the carpool on their way to work.
Once, you might have walked on water
to view paintings placed on swimming pool walls —