The different types of Android users

After spending time on this and other tech forums, I have noticed that many Android users fall into certain archetypes. This is my attempt to classify some of them:

The Nexus Warrior

He deeply believes that Google's implementation of Android is the only version that is worthwhile. He is filled with the light and purity of his beliefs. He considers himself intellectually superior to normal users, especially those who buy skinned and carrier-locked devices. He despises TouchWiz, and he hates Samsung more than any other company in the world.

Allies: The Design Enthusiast, the Hacker, the Apple Hater
Enemies: The Samsung Fan, the Google Hater
Phone of choice: Nexus 5
Favourite site: Android Police

The Samsung Fan

Judging from his posting history, he cares about two things in this world: SD cards, and removable batteries. He writes long, detailed posts in which he waxes rhapsodic about the merits of SD cards and removable batteries. He has even deluded himself into thinking that Samsung's commercial success stems from SD cards and removable batteries (as opposed to selling lots of phones in lots of markets and marketing the crap out of them). He considers stock Android "boring", and can't understand why everyone hates TouchWiz.

Allies: The Google Hater, the Spec Junkie
Enemies: The Nexus Warrior, the Design Enthusiast, the Troll
Phone of choice: Samsung Galaxy Note 3
Favourite site: Sammobile

The Multi-Platform Boy Scout

He uses many different products from different companies. He probably has an Android phone, a MacBook, and a Surface tablet. He tends to value cross-platform services, and has a good sense of each platform's strengths and weaknesses. He despises "fanboys" of all types. He has a lot of sensible things to say, but he generally gets shouted down in forum flaming sessions.

Enemies: The Apple Hater, the Troll
Allies: The Design Enthusiast
Phone of choice: HTC One
Favourite site: The Verge

The Hacker

He's always running the latest nightlies. He knows what the word "deodexed" means. He doesn't care about stock Android, because he's just going install a custom ROM anyway. He doesn't understand why other people care about petty inconveniences like "warranties".

Allies: The Spec Junkie, the Nexus Warrior
Enemies: The Normal Person
Phone of choice: LG G2
Favourite site: XDA Developers

The Normal Person

He doesn't post on tech forums. He is completely unaware of the capabilities and power of the OS he uses. He still has the default widgets that came with the phone. He gets freaked out by Android updates, because he doesn't like it when things change. He has a Samsung phone because he "heard it was the best". He uses Verizon Wireless because "it has good coverage".

Allies: None
Enemies: None
Phone of choice: Galaxy S3 Mini
Favourite site: Yahoo.com

The Google Hater

Despite hating Google, this user has chosen to purchase a smartphone that is designed to integrate heavily with Google's cloud. Nobody else is sure why he has put himself in this unpleasant position. He is constantly angry about privacy, surveillance, and the "creepiness" of Google Glass. The thing that he hates most in the world, however, is Google+. Every time a new Google+ feature is added to Android, he is guaranteed to write an angry screed that will include the words "forcing Google+ down our throats". He swears that this Android phone will be his last.

Allies: The Samsung Fan, the Troll
Enemies: The Nexus Warrior
Phone of choice: Samsung Galaxy S4
Favourite site: Ars Technica

The Design Enthusiast

The design enthusiast loves well-designed apps. He use phrases like "split action bar", "action overflow button" and "navigation drawer" in normal conversation. He like to buy new apps, and will sometimes even pay for apps that he doesn't intend to use, just to reward the developer for making something nice.

Allies: The Nexus Warrior
Enemies: The Samsung Fan, the Troll
Phone of choice: Moto X
Favourite site: Android Niceties

The Apple Hater

The Apple hater does not get involved in petty internecine fights over issues such as TouchWiz vs stock. He is resolutely focused on the higher cause of Apple-bashing. He is convinced that the entire mainstream media, including tech sites like The Verge and Ars Technica, is intrinsically biased in favour of Apple. He makes unironic use of words like "iVerge" and "crApple".

Allies: The Nexus Warrior, the Samsung Fan, the Spec Junkie
Enemies: The Troll, The Multi-Platform Boy Scout
Phone of choice: Any Android flagship
Favourite site: Reddit

The Spec Junkie

This type of poster was a common sight in the early days of Android, when ARM SoCs were advancing rapidly, and each generation brought rapid improvements to the underlying hardware. Now that the spec wars have levelled off, most people have moved on to arguing about other issues like software. But you can still find this type of user, whiling away his free time at sites like Andandtech, and forming strong opinions on topics like how much he hates Nvidia.

Allies: The Hacker, the Samsung Fan
Enemies: The Design Enthusiast, the Normal Person
Phone of choice: LG G2
Favourite site: Anandtech

The Troll

The troll does not actually use Android. He pretends to be an Android user in order to complain about the platform and stir up trouble. Everyone hates him.

Allies: None
Enemies: Everyone
Phone of choice: iPhone 5S
Favourite site: Daring Fireball