True to its name, Goat Simulator starts you innocently enough: in a goat pen, with nothing but a sticky tongue and a hard skull to your name. Across the street, some protesters are holding a rally. You ram a lamppost into the crowd and headbutt the survivors, glitching several feet backwards as you try to lick one of their signs: NO PENIS SHAPED FOOD. An empty pool filled with trampolines is just down the road. You bounce across them and into a construction site, where you find a jetpack. Momentarily crumpling after a three-story drop, you climb midway up a crane and jump off, careening into the parking lot of a gas station. You headbutt the tanks and are blown back as the station explodes and collapses into a pile of rubble.

MICHAEL BAY, screams a giant purple overlay. Your score jumps.