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Alfa Romeo 4C Spider: driving the most impractical car I’ve ever loved

Alfa Romeo 4C Spider: driving the most impractical car I’ve ever loved

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Driving the Alfa Romeo 4C Spider is a bit like listening to Prince. It's mind-blowingly good, but sometimes it’s just staggeringly inappropriate.

In my time with it earlier this month, the 4C was particularly good at tearing down through the Santa Monica Mountains towards the Pacific Coast Highway and the beaches of Malibu. Or when you stomp the gas and get the ass sideways on a (deserted) downtown LA street. These scenarios are where the little Italian sports car performs best.

The 4C, especially with the top ripped off, is a snarling, rasping, wheezing monster. I don't know how this car passed the noise regulations, and frankly I don't give a damn. Some engineers at Alfa thought that installing the tiny, rev-happy 1.7-liter turbocharged four-cylinder Italian engine inches behind my head was a great idea. They were right.

Alfa 4C Ocean

Sitting at a red light is an exercise in restraint. The engine is a bit like that saber-toothed cat in Ice Age whimpering, "I wanna maul!" It’s barely restrained lunacy unleashed with the slightest touch of the throttle. Then you stomp the gas for the most exciting 0-35 mph run in history up to the next red light. Then you do it again. Drivers on motorcycles and in other sports cars, some way more expensive than this $65,000 astonishingly-cheap-for-what-you-get budget exotic, give you an enthusiastic thumbs up.

A budget exotic that punches above its weight

But as awesome as the 4C is, for much of the time it's incredibly impractical. Driving a consistent speed on the highway for any length of time subjects your skull to a droning engine noise worse than a jetliner. There is scant room to move about in the cabin, and there are two spots for storing drinks that can only very generously be called cup holders. There are also two smartphone pockets, one by each door, but my iPhone 6S Plus didn’t fit.

My left foot went numb after two hours at 75 mph because of the complete lack of damping between the chassis and the engine. It is painfully difficult to get in and out, especially with the roof on, and anyone wearing a short skirt will find it impossible to maintain even the illusion of dignity.

The trunk is a tiny compartment behind the engine that would barely fit a laptop bag or two, and when the roof is stowed your useful cargo space drops precipitously. There is no trunk in the front, as the hood is bolted shut in the frantic pursuit for added lightness. It's also so low that you are constantly dodging spine-rattling potholes and avoiding even the most shallow ramps for fear of scraping the shit out of the front bumper.

Alfa 4C Hillside

But set all those things aside because none of it matters, unless you're brave enough to own the 4C as your primary car. This is a weekend rocket ship, with enough room for you and the spouse to tear off to Napa for some wine and a trip to French Laundry. Or, if you are an especially good planner, on a longer road trip with your luggage sent ahead via FedEx.

The 4C is the cheapest sports car you can get with a chassis made from carbon fiber. It sits just shy of 2,500 pounds, which means the 237 horsepower engine can get you from 0-60 in 4.1 seconds. It's an engineering marvel, and astonishingly gorgeous to boot. And, with only around 1,000 brought into the US each year (split between the coupe and ragtop), it's so rare that even in jaded Los Angeles it drew constant attention.

So yes, the 4C is terribly impractical and you can only fit one other person and near-zero luggage inside. But, if you're going to take a blast down some twisting canyon road, there's no place I'd rather be.