Congress of Hamburgerland
begun and held at the City of New-Grill, on
Wednesday the fourteenth of November, two thousand and twelve.
Congress shall make no law resepcting an establishment of vegetarianism but indeed explicitly prohibiting the free exercise thereof.
A well sauced Condiment Tray, being necessary to the taste of a free Patty, the right of the people to keep bare Buns, shall not be infringed.
No Hamburger shall, in time of hunger, be quartered by any knife without the consent of the Customer, nor in time of satisfaction, but in a manner to be prescribed by the Waiter.
The right of the Burgers to be secure in their wrappers, containers, and bags, against unreasonable manhandling and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Waiters shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the patties or buns to be eaten.
[Amendments V through VII have been lost over time to excessive ketchup and grease stains. Thus the appreciateion of Amendment VIII]
Excessive ketchup shall not be required, nor excessive grease imposed, nor cruel and unusual sauces inflicted.
The enumeration in the Constitutaion, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others ordered by the Customer.
The powers not delegated to Hamburgerland by the Constitution, nor prohibied by it to the Grills, are reserved to the Grills respectively, or to the Burgers.
Stories of the day:
Missed yesterday's news? Watch more 90 Seconds on The Verge at 90so.tv — and now on iTunes, too!