Sheffer, Sheffer, bo-beffer! Banana-fana, fo-feffer! Fee-fi-mo-meffer! Sam Sheffer! Stories of the day: * Apple posts record earnings for Q1 2013: $13.1b profit on $54.5b revenue, record 47.8m iPhones sold * The no-hire paper trail Steve Jobs and Eric Schmidt didn't want you to see * Twitter's upcoming Vine-powered video functionality teased by CEO Thanks for watching — you're basically our favorite person. Watch more 90 Seconds on The Verge at 90so.tv, on iTunes, and on YouTube!