Sheffer, Sheffer, bo-beffer!

Banana-fana, fo-feffer!

Fee-fi-mo-meffer!

Sam Sheffer!

Stories of the day:

• Apple posts record earnings for Q1 2013: $13.1b profit on $54.5b revenue, record 47.8m iPhones sold
• The no-hire paper trail Steve Jobs and Eric Schmidt didn't want you to see
• Twitter's upcoming Vine-powered video functionality teased by CEO