"Think I care about you? If it were up to me, I'd take a wad of gum, stick it right on Andrew Jackson's smug fucking face, crumple you up, stuff you in a pair of old dockers, throw you in a washing machine on permanent press, then hand you off to a toddler with a pair of scissors and a marker and tell him to make confetti."
Like all Last Week Tonight sketches, the scene — where Jeff Goldblum in full Law & Order mode plays bad cop to a pile of cash — serves to satire a serious issue. In this case, it's civil forfeiture, a "shady process [where]... police can just take your stuff if they suspect it's involved in a crime."
The biggest laughs, unsurprisingly, comes from the absurdity of the truth (e.g. "United States of America ... v. An Article ... Consisting of 50,000 Cardboard Boxes More or Less Each Containing One Pair of Clacker Balls ..." or "Tenny mucho mucho Deniro in su Trucky-trailer").
Our favorite Jurassic Park vocalist is just the gateway drug — watch the full story:
And now this: