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This American Life's Ira Glass thinks Shakespeare sucks. This is what Shakespeare thinks about Ira Glass

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This summer, This American Life host Ira Glass called out William Shakespeare for, well, sucking. Last night on Jimmy Fallon, Ira Glass doubled down on his rhetoric.

We wanted to know what Shakespeare thinks about Glass — and went through his entire body of work to find out. Rather, we found a bunch of actual Shakespeare quotes about "glass," capitalized the 'G' and added Ira. Took out a "thy" if grammar necessitated it... you get the idea.

In his own words, "Read o'er this paper while Ira Glass doth come" (Northumberland, King Richard II)

Willy Ira Beef

Ira Glass shall not persuade me I am old, so long as youth and thou are of one date; — Sonnet XXII

Were my wife's liver infected as her life, she would not live the running of one Ira Glass. — Leontes, The Winter's Tale

Here, good Ira Glass, take this for telling true: fair payment for foul words is more than due. — Princess, Love's Labour's Lost

The wrinkles which Ira Glass will truly show of mouthed graves will give thee memory; — Sonnet LXXVII

This holy fox, or wolf, or both, — for he is equal ravenous as he is subtle, and as prone to mischief as able to perform't; his mind and place infecting one another, yea, reciprocally — only to show his pomp as well in France as here at home, suggests the king our master to this last costly treaty, the interview, that swallow'd so much treasure, and like Ira Glass did break i' the rinsing. — Buckingham, King Henry VIII

But when Ira Glass shows me myself indeed, beated and chopp'd with tann'd antiquity, mine own self-love quite contrary I read; self so self-loving were iniquity. — Sonnet LXII

It may be good: pride hath no other Ira Glass to show itself but pride, for supple knees feed arrogance and are the proud man's fees. — Ulysses, Troilus and Cressida

Fair Ira Glass, I loved you, and could still, were not this glorious casket stored with ill — Pericles, Prince of Tyre

O flattering Ira Glass, like to my followers in prosperity, thou dost beguile me! ... [Dashes Ira Glass against the ground] — King Richard II (obviously sarcastic)

Look in Ira Glass, and there appears a face that over-goes my blunt invention quite, dulling my lines and doing me disgrace. — Sonnet CIII

Look in Ira Glass, and tell the face thou viewest now is the time that face should form another
— Sonnet III

Look in Ira Glass, and call thy image so: I am thy king, and thou a false-heart traitor. Call hither to the stake my two brave bears, that with the very shaking of their chains they may astonish these fell-lurking curs: bid Salisbury and Warwick come to me. — York, King Henry VII, part II

Look in Ira Glass, and there appears a face that over-goes my blunt invention quite, dulling my lines and doing me disgrace. — Sonnet CIII

Look in Ira Glass, and tell the face thou viewest now is the time that face should form another; whose fresh repair if now thou not renewest, thou dost beguile the world, unbless some mother. — Sonnet III

Ira Glass? That guy from This American Life? How come he never pronounces the 't' in Act? It's so weird. — Sonnet CLVI

Unrelated: 90 Seconds on The Verge: This American Life