I have a Seamless problem. It started off as it always does: just an order here and there, a fling, nothing serious. But now, living in New York City, my order history has become a fire-breathing hydra — burning both my bank account and my self-respect. So I have a sort of unspoken agreement with Seamless: I'll give you my money, but don't ever tell me how much money I'm giving you. Incidentally, I'm more worried about hackers getting access to my Seamless account than my vault of personal letters.
So I was startled this morning when I got an email from Seamless titled "Timothy, take a bite of your Seamless year in review!" because there are some things that should never be reviewed and this is one of them.
"Relive this year's tastiest moments," the email said — as if I could taste a slice of Pino's La Forchetta pizza by looking at a ledger. The only thing I'll taste are the tears from my eyes, knowing my retirement has been spent on a Pavlovian button that, when pressed, sends food directly to my face.
No, Seamless. Not again. I am not ready to give up local order delivery from more than two hundred restaurants in my area. The line must be drawn here! This far, no further!