Standing confidently at a podium, President Garrett Walker practices a rousing State of the Union speech before asking rather meekly if “the frostbite bit" is too much. Meanwhile, opposite him in the room, newly-minted Vice President Francis "Frank" Underwood sketches the silhouette of an excessively well-endowed bull. "There are two types of vice presidents,” Underwood says to the camera as he presents his art, “doormats and matadors. Which do you think I intend to be?"

Spoiler alert: I will try my best to avoid spoiling anything important from season two — but for your own sake, you should probably drop everything and watch the first episode before going back online. I will, however, be talking about the end of season one extensively. You can check out our spoiler-heavy episode-by-episode compendium here