But how will a new iPhone affect ABC's Selfie, you might ask? Wait, you're not asking that? Well too bad, because the trailer is so traumatizing, so emotionally traumatizing, that we can't think of anything else. It's apparently inspired by My Fair Lady (much in the way that Clueless was inspired by the works of Jane Austen). We don't know how to feel anymore. Dammit.

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• Dr. Dre could soon become an Apple executive

Written by Nathan Cykiert and Ross Miller. Video production by Zach Goldstein and Philip Pasternak