The first tweet from space was sent in 2009 — but considering how rapidly social media platforms grow, it's kind of amazing how long it's taken for astronauts to start using other services to share their unique view of our planet. Sure, they have "more important" things to do like "science experiements" that "benefit our society," but we totally should have had "Which Rugrats Character Are You?" quizzes on our Facebook news feed shared directly from space by now.
In the last two years, though, Commander Chris Hadfield upped the ante with his David Bowie cover; meanwhile, other astronauts like Koichi Wakata, Karen Nyberg, and Don Pettit embraced digitally sharing their photography, thoughts, and daily activities with us groundlings. That brings us to current International Space Station resident Reid Wiseman — the first man to vine from space. As of right now he's only posted 24 vines since his first on June 6th, but many of them are remarkable.
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The busy world of the ISS
The busy world of the ISS
Unlock that lock that stops you from leaning back in your chair, put on either that song from Pee-Wee's Big Adventure or "Powerhouse" (trust me, you know it), and watch these cube satellites get ejected from the International Space Station over and over. I would pay good money for a series of time-lapses like these that showed the ISS bustling along like a factory from the turn of last century. The only thing missing is a close-up shot of a steam whistle (even though, in space, no one can hear you steam).
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The droid I'm looking for
The droid I'm looking for
This vine is absolute confirmation that no matter how many hours I would have spent training in the Air Force or studying for high-level degrees, the first thing I'd do after getting on-board the ISS would be to find this clone of the training droid from A New Hope, put on a helmet — with the blast shield down — and start swinging at it with a broom handle (actually I doubt they have brooms on the ISS, so maybe a flashlight? A laser pointer?). Basically what I'm getting at here is that I'd be a useless addition to the ISS crew.
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Kablam!
Kablam!
There's a 100 percent chance that, were any of us to get the chance to float around the ISS, we would be tempted to play with this experiment that the astronauts use to study combustion in a zero gravity environment. There's also a great chance that something would go wrong. You'd literally be playing with fire — and in an oxygen-rich environment, no less. The next thing you'd know something would go boom, the Space Station would begin to fall apart, and then George Clooney's ghost would have to help us into the Russian space capsule so we could escape to Earth (spoiler alert).
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The orbiting storm chaser
The orbiting storm chaser
My favorite by far, this is the orbital equivalent of seeing a crazy storm breathing down your town's neck and rushing to your phone to document it. Reid Wiseman is basically the first storm-chaser in space, which is totally going to be a thing when we all have our own private spacecraft (you know, in 2237). We'll hear about Hurricane Kardashian from CNN 7 on our brain implants, and these space-faring storm-chasers will rush straight through the rumbling clouds so they can hover above the earth and beam back footage from the other side. "They're so reckless," future people will say, but by then we'll have the ability to internally block the voices of people we don't wan't to listen to (one can hope).
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3D glasses not necessary
3D glasses not necessary
Okay, this might be the "terrible 3D-movie gag" of space vines, but you can't deny how cool it is that a yo-yo still works in zero gravity! If you had asked me before I saw this, I would totally have thought I knew all of the reasons why it wouldn't. I would have also confidently told you that, no, kind sir or ma'am, there is no way in hell that something that relies so heavily on gravity's influence could possibly work in space, at which point you could have showed me this vine and then dumped a bucket of ice water on my head.
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A real outhouse
A real outhouse
This astronaut right here is totally in a panic. He's been late on his space rent three times now, his landlord is coming to collect tomorrow, and of course now the pipes burst on his space commode. He's not sure which ISS roommate broke it, but he's got a hunch. Unfortunately, there's no time to point fingers. Frantically, he locks himself into place (let's see you attempt plumbing while floating freely in a zero-g environment) and gets to work. He'll be damned if he's going to be on the hook for this, and he needs that security deposit when he gets back down to Earth. Readjusting to to normal life isn't cheap, you know.
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Space Lettuce!
Space Lettuce!
Sure, it isn't the most exciting leafy vegetable on Earth, but now that it's in orbit it's totally the coolest. All other vegetables are super jealous that they have to fight gravity to grow while lettuce just gets to kick back and float aboard the International Space Station. Lettuce has it so easy, man.
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Now you die, Mr. Bond
Now you die, Mr. Bond
I'll just say what we're all thinking here: this astronaut is totally a Bond villain, right? I mean, this is almost exactly the same thing that that one Bond villain did in The World is Not Enough, except that was on a submarine. I'm pretty sure that if you turn up your headphones loudly enough you can hear the beginning of an evil cackle right before the vine starts to loop.
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FIRST!
FIRST!
Okay, in all seriousness, vines from space are pretty cool, and the first one ever is no exception. What purpose do they serve, you ask? It's a fair question — we should always be aware of where our tax dollars go. While they might not serve some outstandingly apparent purpose like memory foam mattresses, water purification technology, or LASIK surgery, vines from space — along with tweets, instagrams, and maybe someday Pinterest pins or Tinder swipes — make the incredibly intellectual work being done by scientists who are orbiting our planet feel accessible, which in turn can inspire young minds to do great things in the future (even though they're probably too busy using Snapchat).
