clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

TL;DR

Read erotic poetry constructed exclusively from iPhone 6 reviews

New, 94 comments

Fifty Shades of Space Gray

Consider the size of your hands.

I have really big hands.

It's not something I usually think about;

You don't ever really think about your hands.

Those are my hands

You might idly remark to yourself from time to time.

I wonder if I can use them for anything good.

It's all just potential right now

But it's extremely obvious potential.

Big things have enormous beginnings:

If my children and my children's children

And their children

And all the children after that

Keep contorting their hands like this for generations

Will our hands evolve to have gigantic thumbs?

Life tends to fade quickly

And I dread the day.

You get the idea.

I have really big hands.

iPhone 6 Plus

Let's start with the facts;

Giving the people what they want:

I have really big hands:

It compensates for the awkwardly protruding.

I have really big hands:

It helps obscure the unsightly.

I have really big hands:

Not terribly exciting, or groundbreaking.

It's just excellent.

Add those three things together and

I have really big hands

Would be an understatement.

This is quite helpful.

When the tips of your fingers are grasping on for dear life,

Your fingers need to secure a firm grip.

I can still wrap my fingers around

Well...

More of everything.

To really nail the execution

I've been playing a game.

The only real flaw is

Tests are tests:

Real-world performance is where it's at.

iPhone 6 Plus

Meet the new beast,

Beating back its would-be usurpers.

It fits more naturally in your grip.

The rounded edges

These catch and bend light in a way that's sure to appeal to

Really big hands,

Regardless of how large your mitts are.

Feels good to hold and feels beautifully solid —

My favorite-feeling.

It takes some getting used to.

It's still big

Bigger. Bigger. Bigger.

Perhaps most importantly -- it offers far more endurance

I instantly wanted to slip it into a case just to be safe.

Two quick taps,

Zippy as always.

Whoops.

Would be an understatement

Two years ago, I sought out a 7-Eleven near my house

Too far away for your shrimpy little thumb to reach.

Posed next to last year's model

The beast [had] been up to its usual tightening and polishing.

Thinner than [its] rivals,

It [had] made some tweaks to make the size less awkward.

I don't always subscribe to the "thinner is better" mantra,

But it takes time.

I'll always have a soft spot for

Experimenting.

iPhone 6 Plus

I recently visited the same 7-Eleven.

You know what the guy told me?

The market has changed.

Bigger and better, but with stiffer competition.

Apparently big is what the public wants,

So big is what we get.

You know what the guy told me?

Big

Marks you as belonging to a religion.

Maybe a cult.

They're not wrong.

Fortunately, it made the leap

Before it was too late.

Then I rode around rough roads.

iPhone 6 Plus

I'm sitting on my sofa.

I pull out my phone to check sports scores,

Everything is better and nothing is different.

There's nothing truly ambitious here,

No grand vision of the future

Or of a new way of living in the present.

Frankly,

I'm having a hard time

And that's pretty frustrating.

But at least I know this:

I have really big hands.

A pretty remarkable thing

Hopefully things will improve.

The size of your hands, and your tolerance

For straining to reach the corners

But I'm confident that will happen.

Big things have enormous beginnings

I have really big hands.

We're going to need bigger hands.