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Hey Lauren, Tom Hanks has your student ID

Hey Lauren, how's the first month of semester going? Hopefully the Professor Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named isn't being a total nimrod. I had him for Intro to Pre-Industrial Human Animal Relations in 2005, and like, I learned a ton, sure, but he was such a jerk when I missed an essay deadline. Ummmm, my turtle died and I was homesick. Show some compassion, much?

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know someone found the ID you lost on the quad. His name is Tom Hanks, and he's on Twitter as @tomhanks. I know I'm paranoid, but heads up: He likes to sign his tweets "Hanx," so if you see him in person, maybe bring a friend. He's probably not a total creeper, but best to play things safe, you know?

Also, I'm not trying to be your mom and dad here, but you really have to be better about not losing this ID. I lost mine twice, and the university made me pay serious money for the third one. Ugh! I'm just projecting my anxiety on you — I know, I know. Classic me.

Okay, I have to run. Work! Grown-up stuff! See you soon! Let me know what Hanx is like, LOL!