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The new Star Wars is rated PG-13 for gratuitous use of things you will watch no matter what

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Star Wars: The Force Awakens has officially received the MPAA rating that makes 12-year olds feel cool when they go to the theater: PG-13. It's the second Star Wars film to receive a PG-13 rating after Revenge of the Sith, though to be fair PG-13 didn't exist until 1984.

Why is The Force Awakens a PG-13 film? The only indication we have is that, according to the MPAA description, the film has "sci-fi action violence." The other movies that were rated PG-13 today have "intense situations of peril," "some suggestive content and smoking," and "suggestive content, innuendo, and partial nudity" — so I think it's safe to say The Force Awakens will have none of that. So, what might happen under the guise of PG-13? A few guesses:

  • Stormtroopers getting shot
  • X-Wings and TIE fighters going pew pew pew
  • Finn saying "Hell"
  • Force choking
  • Explosions (but never close enough to the heroes to trigger "intense situations of peril")
  • BB-8 getting "decapitated"
  • Jar Jar Binks' skeleton in a wide shot across the desert
  • Han Solo saying "Hell"
  • Dangerous lightsaber design
  • An alien putting a hookah nozzle up to their mouth-like thing, but no actual smoke is seen or suggested
  • No more than 24 inches of appendages being removed in a non-bloodied manner (e.g. lightsaber)
  • Chewbacca saying "Hell"
  • Positive depictions of a cult
  • Unsafe working environments on battle stations contrary to OSHA regulations
  • Robotic nudity