House of Cards season 3 is now on Netflix, and we live blogged the whole thing!

Similar to the season two live blog from last year, TC Sottek and I will be chronicling our thoughts and emotional well-being as we watch every minute of the new season from now until the credits roll on the final episode. This time, we're being extra cautious about spoilers: each major spoiler-y update will be "redacted" until you hover or roll over the text to see. Try it for yourself:

Think of this piece as a lighthearted compendium: you can read it whenever you start watching without worrying about scrolling too far down too early. (The pictures, we might add, bear no connection the adjacent episodes — these are just a random assortment of Netflix press images provided ahead of time.) Special thanks to Aidan Feay from our product team for helping us code this passive form of censorship.

Note: Some RSS readers might not be hiding any text, and of course, a 0:13 timestamp means we had something to say at the 13-minutes mark, so still be careful as you scroll through!

Got it? Good — let's begin!

1. Chapter 27

0 hours, 0 minutes into marathon
Note: All times listed below are relative to the episode. Hover or touch to reveal spoilers.

0:00: Has Netflix ever had an opening sound before? Seems new to us. It's relatively minor, either way.

0:03 Ross: It took all of 2 minutes for Frank to say hi to the audience. What was it, 45 minutes for the last premiere?

0:04 TC: What if audience is mirror and Frank has been talking to himself this whole time, really makes u think

0:05: Our first OH SHIT moment (Ross: "just kidding, I watched the first episode when it leaked a couple weeks ago")

0:07: Okay, so maybe we don't need to use the spoiler tag for every single update.

0:15 TC: Doug Stamper is using a Windows Phone, this must be the part where everything we're seeing is part of his coma.

0:16: Claire: "Any idea where she is, because it's important that we find her." Okay that's right, Doug got super creepy last season. (That one's spoiler-worthy.)

0:21: Colbert! Must've been fun to be in the actual audience as the filmed a fake segment. A joke within a joke within a drama... Is this the most rigorous political interview Colbert has ever given?

0:25 Ross: "Definitely ramps up the oh-shit moments a lot faster than last year." TC: "Episode one starts with Frank pissing on his father's grave, and then spends a ton of time just going through Doug Stamper's misery in the shadow of Frank's sins. Pretty clear this season will be about one thing: blowback."

0:28: "Petrov" instead of "Putin." Sure.

0:33: Well-placed dick cover-up shot.

0:45:

0:47 TC: 47 MINUTES IN AND NOBODY IS GETTING SEX.

0:50 Ross:This exchange underlines the situation so far pretty damn well... Frank: "I will not be a placeholder President, Claire. I will win, and I leave a legacy." Claire: "You mean we will."

0:52 Ross: fuck fuck fuck fuck needles needles needles

0:53 Ross: Eh, nevermind. I really don't get what just happened. It's not disturbing, it's just... weird?

Final thoughts from TC: "Aww, Frank and Claire get along best when they kill people."

Fourth wall count: three this episode (although two were in quick succession, we're counting them separately)

Bonus: The Associated Press has a pretty good interview with Michael Kelly.

2. Chapter 28

1 hour, 6 minutes into marathon
Note: All times listed below are relative to the episode. Hover or touch to reveal spoilers.

0:04: Completely unrelated to what's happening on screen: TC brought beef jerky with him, and it's delicious.

Time until the fourth wall is broken? Less than five minutes.

0:09 Ross: All the celebration of last year? Gone. Honestly, it seems like Frank's miserable as president. Maybe he should listen to his entire political party and skip out on the actual election. Maybe instead retire to Vermont and make jam — y'know, like Scandal.

TC: House of Cards keeps up with hip political realism. Looks like Frank will have to deal with a Supreme Court case about an American killed by a drone strike.

0:19 Ross: Windows Phone! I'm not redacting that, y'all should be prepared for these moments.

0:22 Ross: "A kid who was on Facebook before his testicles descended" is my new go-to descriptor for anyone younger than me.

0:23 TC: Has Frank broken a lamp once in each season?

0:25: With great power comes greatly diminished sexual prowess, apparently.

0:31: Major spoiler: Claire (or maybe Frank) is gonna open up the egg in the season finale, and inside is one free ticket for the presidency.

0:37: One of these days, Frank is gonna turn to speak to the camera but everyone in the room will hear his diabolical scheming.

0:40: GRANOLA CEREAL... that's defiintely CG to cover up whatever actual cereal brand didn't want to associate itself with partisan politics.

0:41 Ross: An all important reminder that Frank Underwood pronounces "why" with a harsh 'h' sound up front. (Also: I'm not counting this speech as breaking the fourth wall since he's talking to an actual camera, but it feels like it could be both.)

0:42 TC: The set details are fantastic as ever. I used to do lobbying work in D.C. and I was pleasantly surprised in Season 1 when congressional offices actually looked like the real deal.

0:47 TC: "My desires are... unconventional." Audience: "Show me." [Stamper squirts whiskey into mouth with syringe]

0:51: This whole show feels like a native J Crew ad. J Crew, Windows Phone, and sterilized needles.

0:52 TC: Claire Is Having Feels Alert. And now she's making eggs. (Update: slow zoom into eggs) Ross: Weird callback to her fertility struggles from past seasons? Eh, I'm probably stretching.

Final thoughts from Vox Product's Eden Rohatensky: Let's start with the end. Dat metaphor for Claire's baby-longing after the sudden gagging post-stress and boning, which might have hinted that she was pregnant, assuming she's not (post?) menopausal. (Good sentence Eden.) Also what are they doing with doug it makes no sense. Also that was the most awkward and strange sex scene i've seen since their threesome episode. Also i think that a hella lot of season 3 will be about claire, probably because post-presidency frank will be a little bit less interesting. Max they can have is 2 seasons of frank as president, so I think they're trying to set claire up for a more foreward-facing roll. Also Jackie is putting herself in a place that she'll likely be easily manipulated by Mr Kevin Spacey.

3. Chapter 29

2 hours, 1 minute into marathon
Note: All times listed below are relative to the episode. Hover or touch to reveal spoilers.

0:01: They may not call him "Putin," but Pussy Riot still exists so... yeah.

0:02: Everyone in this show is so thirsty, especially Doug, because he's only drinking five CCs of liquid at a time.

0:13: Time until Frank breaks the fourth wall? About 12.5 minutes this episode.

0:18 Ross: Also, this isn't actually happening. Not yet, at least. Anti-spoiler spoiler?

0:25 Ross: Even in the world of House of Cards, everyone is obsessed with the 2016 election. Imagine, though: In the world where Underwood is president, nobody has the catchphrase "Thanks, Obama." Does he still exist in this world? Did he just stay senator, perhaps?

0:26 Ross: So... Petrov is part Bond villain? And he's also totally cool having dinner at the same table with Pussy Riot? And they're cool with it, too? Okay, I'm done with the questions.

0:39: Here we go, Claire is setting herself up even at the expense of Frank (not that he hasn't / wouldn't / won't do the same. All it took was some gnarly, classy, White House beer pong.

Final thoughts for Ross: Oh shit, that really was Pussy Riot. (As TC points out, that was already known — just not by me.)

Fourth wall count: two for this episode. I believe there were two last time, but I forgot to include that, so I'm gonna say seven moments so far this season.

4. Chapter 30

2 hours, 54 minutes into marathon
Note: All times listed below are relative to the episode. Hover or touch to reveal spoilers.

0:08: There's a lot of lazy background harmonica happening this season and it's giving off an if-Frank-Miller-directed-a-soap-opera sort of vibe.

0:11 TC: There are a lot of different high-level political plots happening already. Unlike season 2, it's not really clear how they all relate to Frank or Claire's interests. It feels a lot more like a procedural this season.

Ross: Reminds me a lot of the middle run of season one, when they actually had to get a bill passed.

TC: Also this is just making me want another show like The West Wing without all the wacky murder plots but with House of Card's production quality.

0:18: Our first sighting of Meechum, the Underwoods' residential unicorn!!!!

0:21: First fourth wall of the episode — and he did it out loud. That, or one symptom of Alzheimer's is hearing meta commentary.

0:23 TC (6:15AM ET): Oh god, the sun is coming up. (Yep)

0:27 TC: There's a lot of symmetry in this season, and a lot of pristine, beautiful things. It's like a Wes Anderson movie without dolly slides and Owen Wilson's face.

0:28 Ross: Samsung alert!

0:37: "I've been out of the game for nine months... I wanna get back in." This is borderline creepy, the power-stumble-out-of-the-shadows. (Yeah, there's been a gap in our live blog. Chalk it up to some really good scenes and what TC said at the 23-minute mark.) I'm not sure I trust Doug changing signs, but then again, he has plenty of reason to abandon Frank. It's just hard to imagine him actually doing it. This feels devious.

0:42 Ross: I just can't do it. I can't imagine Rawls from The Wire as a religious figure.

0:44 TC: Frank Underwood just killed Jesus.

Ross: Enter Meechum in a panic. gun drawn. Did Jesus try to attack you, sir?

Fourth wall count: just one this episode, for an estimated eight this season thus far.

Final thought from Frank Underwood: "Well, I got God's ear now."

5. Chapter 31

3 hours, 46 minutes into marathon
Note: All times listed below are relative to the episode. Hover or touch to reveal spoilers.

0:03: No time wasted getting to our first fourth wall of the episode.

0:05: "You can't copmare unemployment to a Cat 4 hurricane."

0:06: Celebrity journalist alert! Meredith Viera.

0:10 TC: Okay, an election is definitely going to be a huge arc in this season. Or I could be completely wrong. But I'm not.

0:11 Ross: All of a sudden he cares about money? This is definitely a ploy — but it's fun that they know it.

0:15 TC: President Underwood is playing Monument Valley. I bet President Underwood reads The Verge.

0:24 TC: Every episode this season Frank is having a Dr. House-style epiphany out of nowhere. The one in this episode was inspired by Monument Valley.

Ross: Frank is really, really into Monument Vally. He just had his two closest confidants read a story on it. Probably The Verge.

0:25 TC: Also I think I just saw a native Samsung ad that wasn't so subtle.

0:28: Mansplaining alert! There's actually been a lot of mansplaining directed Claire's way this season.

0:29: First fourth wall moment of the episode, both before and after Frank pretty much declares war on Congress.

0:34: Smoking in the Oval Office. And now some making out. Cool Guy President.

0:38: The lie he's referring to is likely when Claire said she aborted the rapist General's baby (when in fact she aborted Frank's kid during his campaign).

0:41 TC: WOWWWWW: Claire Underwood just pulled the same move Bob Birch pulled in Season 1, giving Frank a peek at the D in the bathroom. Except Claire took a pee with the door open in front of the Russian ambassador. Power move. Also see: Jim Gaffigan's open door dump in Sex In The City.

"When Miranda left the door open for peeing, it opened the door for everything else."

0:50: It's a good thing Freddie missed being hit by that fridge on the highway. Now he can wait in one of Frank Underwood's depression lines!

Final thoughts: It's really about ethics in White House journalism.

Fourth wall moments: three (I'm counting before and after the talk in the oval office), for a total of 11 this season so far.

6. Chapter 32

4 hours, 44 minutes into marathon
Note: All times listed below are relative to the episode. Hover or touch to reveal spoilers.

0:03:

0:09: TC: Some of the detail (like the Putin doppleganger) is trying so hard to look real that it backfires and stumbles into the uncanny valley. I mean, it's very slight. Maybe it's more like an uncanny pothole.

0:17: Spoilers:

0:19: Related: Netflix launched in Cuba later this month with plenty of time to watch the first two seasons:

0:26: Damn, Liam McPoyle is really good at social engineering.

0:27 TC: Frank has been debating "Putin" almost this whole episode. Zzzz. Something explosive has to happen soon. I'm thinking that Frank was willing to throw a rock through his own window to pass a bill in Season 1 as a congressman, he must be willing to put a missile in a building or something as president.

Ross: The pacing of this season feels exactly like the others — bookended by a handful of exciting episodes at the beginning and end, but the middle is a very slow climb. This season overall feels even slower than the others.

0:31 Ross: To go back a few minutes... the Putin of our world brought a dog to publicly intimidate and unnerve the head of Germany. The "Putin" of this world? Privately admits he has no issues with homosexuals and only uses anti-gay bills to maintain political power. Doesn't seem like the think our Putin would ever say publicly or privately. I'm starting to doubt the HoC "Putin" would have any pictures of him shirtless hunting.

0:34 TC: They are overusing that dramatic music, too. You know, the stuff at the end of Season 2 when Frank and Claire, at the apex of their deception, walked towards the Oval Office through a gauntlet of the powerful, the haunting vibrato rising and rising as from an operatic ghost, harkening the charging of the four horsemen. Now her horrifying wail is used when Claire is playing beer pong with the secretary of state.

0:41 Ross: WELL OH SHIT... unless Claire drugged and hung him knowing it'd be in everyone's best political interest.

0:46 Ross: I TAKE IT ALL BACK she didn't do it... but maybe the Russians did?

0:47 TC: Liam McPoyle at the FBI is using some kind of crazy facial recognition database to look for Rachel. What's surveillance without a little LOVEINT?

0:50 TC: Spacey has been yelling a lot this season and when he does it the plucky accent goes away and it's super jarring.

0:52:27: The first — and only — fourth wall moment of the episode, coming in one second before the credits. That brings our fourth wall count up to 1 for this episode, 12 overall.

Final thoughts from TC:

7. Chapter 33

5 hours, 50 minutes into marathon
Note: All times listed below are relative to the episode. Hover or touch to reveal spoilers.

0:04: A vow renewal... that's actually a flash forward! One-month future Claire is a brunette! This is the spoiler of all spoilers that my colleague Chris Plante teased earlier this month.

0:13 Ross: And that's The Stanley Parable (thanks, Eden, for corroborating). After obsesing over violent shooters like Call of Duty in the first two seasons (aka during his rise to pwoer), this season of House of Cards is placing a surprisingly heavy emphasis on indie games — specifically, games where the character is trapped and the pacing is slow, sometimes repetitive. It fits Frank well here. He's tired, and he's not fighting to rise anymore but to maintain — to maintain his position of power — which isn't nearly as exciting.

0:15 TC: Frank is sloppy drunk and chilling in the White House with his biographer. Claire asks him to keep the noise down. Welcome to Marriage Simulator 2015.

0:22:"I can't believe we've become this." "Become what?" "Just like everyone else."

0:25 Ross:Windows Phones! (I've missed a few, but those were fairly subtle.)

0:31 TC: Tibetan monks are making a sand mandala all through this episode. Monks spend up to months at a time making these stunning works of art, and then symbolically blow all the sand away to symbolize the transient nature of material existence. So I guess Frank is going to dissolve like the guy at the end of that Indiana Jones movie.

0:33 Ross: Celebrity journalist sighting! Chuck Todd

0:39 Ross: PIVOTAL MOMENT ALERT MAJOR SPOILERS HERE: Claire got that haircut.. Meanwhile, TC keeps telling me the monks are going to destroy the beautiful mandala and it's stressing me out an... OH GOD THEY ARE DOING IT RIGHT NOW.

0:40 Ross: Today I learned that Buddhists invented Snapchat but called it sand mandala.

0:43: Normally when someone confesses to taking credit for a dying friend's book, it'd be reviled. In House of Cards, it's a bonding moment... do you think Meechum is jealous of the author?

0:44 TC: We're in the 7th episode and Meechum hasn't gotten any action yet. I want my money back.

0:50: Frank Underwood took a screencap of the monks' traditional Snapchat and that's how love works.

Fourth wall count: I don't recall seeing any this episode — a first for this season — so let's keep it at 12.

Final thoughts from Vox Product's Eden Rohatensky: Claire’s hair getting dark as she renews her vows to President Kevin is likely foreshadowing her becoming a darker, less sunny presence in the show – and more evil. It’s elementary villain stereotyping.

[... she then immediately followed up with, "i was surprisingly coherent"]

8. Chapter 34

6 hours, 52 minutes into marathon
Note: All times listed below are relative to the episode. Hover or touch to reveal spoilers.

0:07: "Thanks, Frank."

0:09 TC: Episode 8 summary: Walmart is bad.

0:10 Ross: Dunbar 2016's campaign rhetoric has been working in this universe, as Wal-Mart and others have begun increasing their minimum pay.

0:12 TC and Ross: Creeper alert

0:22: Does anyone miss the rowing machine? Maybe that's why he's in the rut — that rowing machine of aggression.

0:24 Ross: Man, old media has a really nice office. Slug Line, this ain't.

0:26 TC: This episode is boring, so I'll update you on the snack sitch. It's looking grim. We're out of cheez-its, the beef jerky is finished, I drank both of my Starbucks energy drinks, and I think we're down to just one more Shaq Soda.

0:29 Ross: Okay, so Meechum is jealous of the author. It feels like with every season, there's at least one character that gives us a glimpse of Frank's bisexual side. First season, it was an ambiguous college friend. Last time, it was the Meechum threesome (a "Meechsome"). This time, it looks like we've got an emotional tift brewing.

0:33 Ross: Remember when Freddie was a humorous foil that served Frank delicious barbecue? Those were happier times. Back then, I don't think he'd have burned his grandson's dreams. I mean, he fucking burned them to the ground.

0:41: First fourth wall of the episode... and the very last scene. It's like, "hey, we should probably do this because otherwise people will make a big deal out of it and there'll be hot takes all over the internet... fourth wall count is at 13.

Final thoughts from Vox Canadian Eden the Cat: HURRICANE FAITH MIGHT HAVE PASSED BUT HURRICANE KEVIN IS HEADING TOWARDS HIS SECOND TERM OF PRESIDENCY TO WREAK HAVOK ON THE HOUSE, THE SENATE, AND WHATEVER OTHER POLITICAL BODIES I CAN'T NAME BECAUSE THIS IS REALLY MY ONLY PLACE OF LEARNING ABOUT AMERICAN HISTORY

9. Chapter 35

7 hours, 40 minutes into marathon
Note: All times listed below are relative to the episode. Hover or touch to reveal spoilers.

0:00 TC: Corn. Lots of corn. Sex noises? Sex noises getting louder.

0:02 TC: butts

Ross: butts?

Eden: The first remotely hot sex scene in this season goes to the nerdy babe game journalist while they’re being watched by a stuffed giraffe, and then we see President Kevin in a leather jacket. Things are getting dope.

0:05: Netflix has been skipping most episodes' intro sequence, but this one frontloaded journo-sex, so we had a chance to hear the dramatic strings of the show's theme.

0:13 Ross: Is his obsession career-focused (i.e. getting to Rachel will regain Claire's trust) or personal (i.e. he's still in weird obsessive religious love lust... stuff).

Eden: See Doug drink. See Doug dunk. See Doug drunk.

0:18: First fourth wall of the episode, and it's a cry for help.

0:19 TC: I'm pretty sure Frank has eaten vegetables with ranch dip in every episode so far. Is this a native ad for Big Vegetable? Frank, you're getting soft. You need some ribs.

0:30: Fourth wall #2 of this episode — and #15 overall.

0:32 Ross: I swear, that's the same street they used for filming Peter Russo's scene with the cops in season one.

TC: It's nice to finally see a focus on feels from characters not named Frank and Claire. This whole scene with Remy getting pulled over for being black feels way less contrived than any other vignette I've seen in the whole series.

0:48 Ross: Let it be known that, no matter how far we progress as a species, a typewriter continues to be the most effective tool at making text on screen dramatic.

Final thoughts from everyone invovled:

- TC: I don't remember what happened in the past 4 episodes

- Eden: I have no final thoughts for 9. I was too excited about basketball poem.

- Ross: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

We're getting the last few, if the past few seasons are any indication / hope, we're building up to the good shit.

10. Chapter 36

8 hours, 34 minutes into marathon
Note: All times listed below are relative to the episode. Hover or touch to reveal spoilers.

0:09: Well, it certainly seems like we're off to a more interesting start. Claire is trying to broker peace between Israelis and Palestinians. Doug is nearing rock bottom. Russia is mad at the world, and the world is mad at Russia. Citizens are openly grumpy at Frank. Hopefully this is the episode where we see all the build-up from the last several episode pay off. Otherwise... next episode?

Apropos of absolutely nothing: Today, we are all Meechum.

0:16 TC: There are only 3 episodes left after this. I can't see how they end the series this season. It's moving way too slow. I don't know that I want another season of this. ["Not with Frank in the lead," Eden and I echo in agreement.]

0:20: "I'm gonna be a-hhhhhhhhhhhh-while."

0:26: The first fourth wall of the episode, a rather honest "God help us."

0:35:If I recall, last year's Big Bad was an eccentric, Ted Turner / Koch brother hybrid that held the future of Frank's political career. This year it's... Putin? When have we ever cared about the actual policies of this show when they aren't directly tied to Frank's hunger for power? This one feels a bit farther removed. Then again, like seasons past, maybe it'll get all tied together in the next three-and-a-half years. Maybe.

0:38 Ross: I think maybe "Putin" is asking Frank to kill him with his bare hands...? Or embrace him warmly in the spirit of a mutual love for violence?

0:43: The ghost is howling again. They really should get some ghostbusters in the White House to check it out.

0:44: Nü self-effacing / self-facing Frank-ism: "Sometimes I think the presidency is the illusion of choice." That doesn't make this episode any more exciting.

0:50: Remember last year's "Meech-some"? That happened about 45 minutes into its 11th episode. We're only on the tenth now — give it time, clearly something more is going to happen with the playboy-turned-author-turned-biographer-turned-playboy.

0:52: CASHEW!!!!!

Final thoughts from Ross:

11. Chapter 37

9 hours, 39 minutes into marathon
Note: All times listed below are relative to the episode. Hover or touch to reveal spoilers.

0:02 TC: FINALLY. Things are getting interesting. Francis is training for a debate. I really thought the election would come into play much earlier -- it's a shame, I suspect it would have been much more interesting.

0:03: First fourth wall moment is way earlier this episode — things are accelerating. Last three episodes — and I've opened my last "Arizona Soda Shaq."

0:05 TC: Oh shit! Rachel is alive! Liam McPoyle, you trickster.

0:06 TC: Doug is mad. Doug is mad at the hacker. Doug is destroying his electronics. Doug is drowning cellphones in water. Doug is platform agnostic.

0:07 Ross: More has happened in the last seven minutes than it has in the last seven or so episodes. I felt the same way about last season, so let that be your guide to how your opinions mesh with mine.

TC: Am I just really tired or did Ken Burns direct those middle 6 episodes.

0:19 Ross:: My wishful thinking / prediciton for the last scene is Claire taking over the fourth wall antics and saying hi to the audience.

TC: This is only loosely related but damn I loved the final two seasons of West Wing. Jimmy Smits for president.

0:20: Celebrity journalist alert: John King

0:21 TC: So this is a weird situation: Frank has opponents as an incumbent. And two women are challenging him. Well, really only one. Ban men.

0:26 TC: Jackie Sharp is arguing like an MRA in a debate and it's very effective because it's making me super uncomfortable

0:31 Ross: One thing's for sure: John King is a pretty meh moderator.

0:44: Thank you, Freddie, for interrupting a House of Cards cliché dramatic moment with some levity — and then have a really good justification in the form of cobra metaphors.

0:48 TC: Francis, Francis. Your empire is crumbling. Shit's getting real.

Ross: Okay, real talk for a minute. House of Cards this season has been all about maintain an empire. It was more interesting season one when he was trying to establish it / season two when he was solidifying. More offense, less defense. You know who does empire maintenance right? Fox's Empire.

Final thought from TC: How many hours has it been? I am walking towards the light.

Addendum from Eden Rohatensky: President Kevin is a butthead. Tina the tarantula is a metaphor for Claire’s spirit, and I’m crying again help I haven’t slept for 26 hours.

12. Chapter 38

0 hours, 0 minutes into marathon
Note: All times listed below are relative to the episode. Hover or touch to reveal spoilers.

0:04 Ross: Oh man, this feels like Underwood's background meddling. But even so, Robert's right: a Supreme Court judge sounds like way more fun than the president — especially after this season. Plus, it shapes the country more than a four-term (or eight-term) president. Plus! It's for life!

0:09: The judge can't remember names. The writer can't remember why he walked into a deli. TC and I can't form words or speech bubbles or thoughts or wait it's not called speech bubbles when you talk. You get it, though.

0:11: "A empire without heirs... legacy is their only child."

0:21 TC: Claire says she's fading. We feel you, Claire.

0:28: If we ate now, what meal would that even be? We're like at least three past fourthmeal. What happens if we get to tenthmeal? Do we all turn into salamanders? @tacobell?

0:29 TC: Claire just realized she could run for president. The spark is in her eye. Here we go.

0:31 Ross: And it's almost immediately turned to horror and sadness. I feel so bad for Claire Underwod. It's partially Robin Wright's fault; she's really good at having a range of emotion, including tragedy.

0:37 The American Heart Association recommends no more than 9 teaspoons (~45 grams) of sugar per day. Each Arizona Soda Shaq — not "Shaq Soda" as I initially thought — has three servings of 24g each, for a total of 72g each can. I've had nearly two cans now. Why, dammit, why?

Wait, what's going on here? Why is burning shit in the White House? Too much sugar... That was a mistake.

0:40 "Go fuck yourself... Christ, that felt good." Okay, I'm caught up now.

0:43: We're a few minutes from the final episode and I have no idea what this whole season has been building towards.

In lieu of an actual final thought:

13. Chapter 39

11 hours, 23 minutes into marathon
Note: All times listed below are relative to the episode. Hover or touch to reveal spoilers.

0:00: What?!

0:05: Here's a fun fact I'm completely making up: If your character lives on a boat, there's a good chance you're gonna get killed or badly beaten.

0.07 Ross: Remember this, what might be the last Windows Phone cameo of the season.

0:12 TC: Claire just took a bath. It must have been a good bath. She slapped Frank.

0:13 Ross: ............ What?

0:22 Ross: Oh shit, Claire has commandeered the rowing machine. Her transformation to Frank is nearly complete... with just 30 mintues left to go.

0:32 Ross: I feel like there's a nontrivial chance that Doug's storyline this season ends the exact same way it did last time. Even if it doesn't, the comparisons are kind of weird for being the last episode of this season.

0:42 Ross: Well... guess not.

0:49 TC: I have been speechless so far. Because of how bad this season was. RIP House of Cards.

0:50 Ross: On the bright side, I've switched to a sugar free Red Bull. It's healthier.

Final thoughts from TC: End Of Line. This image is pretty much how I feel about the past 12 hours.

Final thoughts from Ross: Last year, I called out House of Cards stretching out a story that should've been half as many episodes. This year felt even worse: the in-between episodes just seemed to be killing time; so many plots seemed to add up to nothing. Was the big shocker that Claire is leaving Frank? That seemed foregone very early on, and that it actually happened isn't too much of a shock.

Maybe it's the byproduct of binge-watching, I'm willing to say that I might be thinking more negatively because of that. I'll keep thinking on that until I get a good night's sleep — hopefully soon!