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13 free story ideas about McDonald's new McBikes

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You're welcome, media

McDonald's is testing a new takeout box that's designed to hook onto the handlebars of a bicycle — without spilling your soda! The accompanying promotional video is clearly aimed at the more active, eco-friendly, younger end of McDonald's demographic, and we're sure that we're supposed to have a lot of feelings about it. But right now all we can really think about is french fries.

These are all of the headlines that you can expect to see on your feeds while we in the media attempt to reckon with this news:

  • Calculate how many miles you would need to bike to offset an order of french fries
  • The McDonald's McBike box targets hipster snake people
  • McDonald's made a takeout box for my bike, and I'm lovin' it
  • Is biking while eating french fries going to become the new texting while driving?
  • This one sales chart tells you everything you need to know about the McDonald’s McBike campaign
  • McDonald's espouses environmentalism in support of selling a new thing that people use for 10 minutes and throw out
  • McDonald’s wants to totally thwart my efforts to exercise with this adorable takeout box for my bike
  • McDonald's McBike is their best idea since McSoup
  • The McBike is here — and here’s how Apple and Samsung could make it better
  • According to the McBike promo, only beautiful white people like sustainable energy and an active lifestyle
  • The 11 most unexpected ways you can repurpose your McBike box
  • McBike should stay in Europe: not using gasoline to power yourself through a McDonald's drive-thru is un-American
  • Hands-on with the McBike takeout box — a photo essay

At the very least, this guy seems like he's having a wonderful day:

mcbike