Today, in a blustering dissent of the Supreme Court's ruling in favor of marriage equality in the United States, Justice Antonin Scalia encouraged everyone to ask the nearest hippie about marriage. "The nature of marriage is that, through its enduring bond," wrote Scalia, "two persons together can find other freedoms, such as expression, intimacy, and spirituality. (Really? Who ever thought that intimacy and spirituality [whatever that means] were freedoms? And if intimacy is, one would think Freedom of Intimacy is abridged rather than expanded by marriage. Ask the nearest hippie.)"

We understand that you might not have a hippie on hand to ask said questions, and deliberate for a few minutes about how to better help our readers.

Ultimately, I volunteered to create a hippie for you. I don't know what hippies say in 2015, but I assume since Justice Scalia likes hippies so much they must be a lot like him. Thus, I present you the Magic Antonin Scalia Hippie Randomizer. Ask it all of your most pressing marital questions.