Alright, so I was about to write an article about Windows 10 when I realised I was proper hank marvin, so I got on the dog and bone and belled up my mate Azza. He fancied a Maccie D’s or an Itchy Ring, but my bantmobile is all busted up after some joker pranged it the other week, so had to tell the diamond geeza he’d have to hop on the uncle gus to the high street. He wasn’t having any of that, but we had top notch banter and took the right piss out of each other before it hit me: it was time for a cheeky Nando's.

Some joker smashed up my bantermobile

I jumped on my nearest banter bus and whipped out my iPhone to pay for a ticket, and the cuz up front was peak confused. Usually I’d use my bantermobile, but had to test the old Apple Pay out. We passed by Spoons on the way, and the steak club nearly distracted me, imagine the amount of bant and dec going on in there. I could have got bare wankered at 11AM fam, you get me. Finally got to Nando’s and got nervous I didn’t have any mula in my sky rocket before I remembered Apple Pay.

Nando's was full of some reem lads, and one sounded like that Barack O Banter fella from over the pond. I rocked up to the counter like a right ledge, and the banter was proper class because I was the first to try out this Apple Pay malarkey. The guvnor that served up my chicken was a right bantersaurus rex, and we were chatting shit like we were in marbs. He thought I was the archbishop of banterbury for using Apple Pay to get some super hot chicken. Fucking top notch day out.

Apple Pay is now available in the UK.