This week, I fell down a deep rabbit hole of canine athleticism videos, and I have emerged with a unified theory of human nature based on the two best dog jumps. I call them Highdog and Longdog. Think of it like a dog-video-based personality test.
The video above is a mixed terrier jumping 13 feet in the air to grab a tire. This is Highdog. Highdog aspires to great things, but uses practical means to achieve them. Notice the scrabbling, haphazard climb. Highdog relies on close social ties to achieve its goals, specifically with the men who amp it up before the jump and catch it as it falls. Highdog understands the world's flaws, but works within those flaws rather than against them. At the same time, Highdog is clear-eyed about its limits, and there is a deeper sadness that comes with that knowledge.
This GIF shows a dog jumping what appears to be at least 25 feet across a sandy trench. This is Longdog. Longdog is concerned with form, achieving an almost perfect leg extension as it comes off the platform. Longdog sees speed as a platonic ideal rather than a means to an end. As such, Longdog thinks of the jump as a work of art more than a simple product of force and speed. A single leap, then sailing through the air. Longdog loves the humans around it, but there is a part of Longdog they can never truly understand. As such, Longdog is always a stranger in this life — never really wanting, never really wanted, and always a little in love with death.
Now, consider yourself: are you a Highdog or a Longdog?
I am probably a Longdog deep down, although I present as a Highdog professionally because I think it will impress people more. Which maybe means that by now I am a Highdog who likes to think of himself as a Longdog? Of course, we probably all share elements of Highdog and Longdog, but let's not make this any more complicated than it has to be. Here's the poll. You have to choose one.