Does the newly discovered species of peacock spider, Maratus personatus, meet the criteria for world's cutest spider? I held a debate with myself to uncover the answer.
So what are we talking about today, Chris?
Well, me, I believe I've found the world's cutest spider.
Huh. Let me see here. I... I don't know. Have you considered that this spider is a spider and spiders are not cute?
I have, but now we're talking about cuteness as much as we're analyzing this spider. What are your criteria for cuteness?
Cuteness can't be described so much as it just is. But if I must, I'll say it helps to be really small. Like itty-bitty, teenie-weenie.
This spider is only a few millimeters long.
Oh. Really? That small? How interesting. Okay, but a cute thing should have really big, round eyes — like saucers.
Sure, but is it furry?
Not only is it furry, it's got zebra stripes.
So it's not colorful.
And one vibrant blue stripe that looks like a Ninja Turtles bandana.
Okay, I admit it meets most of my cuteness criteria, but surely it doesn't have some strange physical tick that serves some sexual purpose but just looks super duper adorable to human eyes.
My friend. Just look at the male M. personatus do a humiliating dance to court females.
Wow. You win. These are cute. I can't even imagine how precious these spiders are as babies.
Oh they're hideous little Metroids.
Go figure. One last question?
How did this wind up on the site?
Italy's eels are not as cute as these spiders. They also have a cocaine problem