I'm back on the train. Why do I always find myself here, traveling without destination?

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

I hate airplanes, I hate cars. What is it about trains that I love so much? Who knows? Who knows anything? I'm on a train, that's all.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

I had a rough and long conversation that took most of the day with a young man on his way to his dad's funeral.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

He got off the train about two hours ago and, since then, I've been in the bar car.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

This is one of the most beautiful bar cars I've seen in some time. It's why I chose this train.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

When we get to where we're going, the end of the line, a porter will tell me it's time to go and I'll go inside, get a ticket back.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

I like being in between. In between and moving fast.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

I miss cigarettes. Smoking cigarettes between the cars of the train.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

That poor boy, he didn't want to leave the train, but I watched him trundle out, into the arms of others looked like him.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

As the train moved, they stayed still, cried in a circle of grief, and I looked away in a start, as one would when glimpsing an open wound.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

But, mercifully, the train accelerated away from those not moving.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

And I slugged back Wild Turkey 101 and have been continuing the slugging back for a time.Don't know how long.Won't look at the time. Refuse.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

Last time I was on a train it stopped for a good long time. If that's happened to you and you wondered why, I'll tell you. Somebody died.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

Every day people step forward from life on to the tracks and gives the conductor nightmares the rest of his days.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

And if you're in a train behind the killer train, you stop and wait. Death takes about two hours to clean up, and then you move again.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

These stops used to really bother me until I found out why they happened. Now, when it happens, I use the time to pray.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

I see some sonofabitch sitting down the way reading a book of poetry. I hate poetry. I don't understand it is why.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

I remember somewhere reading about how a tree is better than all the poems, and I thought that seems about right.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

Then again, i suppose nothing a man can make can compare well to a tree.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

The train's moving at a perfect clip right now, which means I am too.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

I'm gonna go now and try to walk backwards through five or six cars and bounce around and get in between the cars and take a bracing breath.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

And I'll look down at the tracks and feel the fear of knowing how fast I'm moving, just standing still.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

Now, I'll just sit and be happy to be all alone. I've piled clothes on the seat across from me. Somebody will have to work to take it.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

The porter's good to me, I tip a lot, and He makes sure the Wild Turkey 101 touches the rim of the glass, real glass too.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

I wish I was a porter, or a conductor. I wish I could yell "all aboard". I have yelled that. I have yelled that. hahaha. I have, too.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

Sometimes I'll meet a porter ho remembers me from another trip to another place. Not tonight, but it's happened.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

I've spent a lot of time thinking about Tiger lately. He takes up a lot of my time and I've never met him, never will.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

I just told this to the porter, but it took me much longer to say it out loud, and he just nodded the whole time, and that was fine with me.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

Anyway, I just gave my head a shake, really hard, so all thoughts would go away, but it made me feel sick.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

And I'm trying to focus as hard as I can so I won't fall asleep. If I fall asleep, I may as well not even be on a train.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

If you are asleep, you are where every other sleeping man is, and that is nowhere. I didn't pay 158 dollars to be nowhere.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

I'm gonna go to the in between place now and breathe.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

There's a couple in the next booth, and they are torturing each other as only those in love can do.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

I love that being alone on the train forces you to deal with time. No habits to steal it away.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

I can't think too straight. I can't walk too straight. That in-between air is way to far away now.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

Goddam, these porters are elegant sons of bitches. Give some class to this car full of drunks.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

I think the habits that are gone here on the train, maybe these habits are necessary to make men civilized. I mean, look around.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

My god, it's become dark fast, like we're rolling through a thick forest, depending on the conductor for our very lives.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

I've met many conductors. i know them to be good men.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

When I close my eyes I once again feel like I'm alone in the darkest forest, and I open them quickly, so I don't fall in to nowhere.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015

I'm done typing. Time to put my headphones on and listen to Jimmy Rodgers as loud as the machine will allow me. Night, pal.

— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) July 6, 2015