The abridged history of Disney, 2015–2040 AD

By Chris Plante

The Verge's Disney hub is your place for Disney news. Showing stories in chronological order from 2015 to 2040. Update (March 18th, 2028): Missing archival posts addressed.

The Verge promotes full-time editor to Disney beat

My name is Chris Plante, and I'm The Verge's first Senior Disney Editor. Disney has become a monolithic presence in the worlds of films, games, music, comics, theater, resorts, travel, and conventions, providing a reporting workload for an entire website. I'm the only full-time editor on the Disney beat, but we intend to expand the section alongside the company, matching its moves with a comparable scale and quality of reporting.

I promise to provide hard news and vital scoops. Investigating the most powerful entertainment studio on the planet won't be easy, but I vow to embody the same life-risking attitude of the world's bravest reporters.

This won't just be another fan site farming traffic off trailers, leaked set photos, and baseless rumors.

Is this blurry set image proof that Doctor Strange will appear in Avengers: Infinity War?

BOOM! Marvel releases Spider-man and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 trailers on 4th of July

25 gifts to get your favorite Star Wars fan this Christmas

Which Star Wars Anthology: Rogue One character are you?

The Verge is hiring: Disney reporters wanted!

What a year! Last December, I struck out on my own to bring serious Disney reporting to The Verge on a daily basis. While the countless trailers, set photos, and rumors didn't leave me much time for reporting, I am proud to say The Verge's Disney coverage is the fastest-growing portion of both this site and all of Vox Media.

Your appetite for Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, and Frozen 2 news has allowed me to expand at a rate I couldn't have imagined. While I'm proud of our five-person team — two reporters, two video producers, and myself — we have plans to expand even further.

With an eye to the future, we're currently looking to fill the following roles:

  • Junior Disney Animation Reporter
  • Senior Marvel Reporter
  • Star Wars Intern
  • Senior Disney GIF Maker
  • Senior Disney Snapchat Strategist

What it's like to see the Thor: Ragnarok trailer before everyone else in 235 GIFS

Star Wars: Episode VIII review: like my favorite Breaking Bad episodes... but in space!

Why Toy Story 4 is the best Toy Story yet: an explainer

The Guardians of the Galaxy post-post-post-credits scene will blow your fanboy mind

When you see Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2 be sure to stay in the theater at least 10 minutes after the staff politely asks you to leave. The post-post-post credits sequence is the biggest clue yet about the future of the Disney metaverse.

You already know the film's plot from the trailer: Star-Lord saves the galaxy, proposes to Kitty Pride, and kindles a lifelong friendship with Howard the Duck; the space adventurer charts a vacation for a tropical planet where music is limited to covers of 1970s rock bands. Roll credits.

But in this bonus scene, Star-Lord crash lands on a frozen planet. Taking cover inside a cave, the young man finds something that will change his life, his destiny, and the Marvel canon forever: a lightsaber.

Disney exec to fans: Guardians of the Galaxy lightsaber is "just for fun" and "would never be canonical"

The only photo you need of the Iron-Man Easter egg in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Wreck-It-Ralph 2 review: Like video games, the sequel is better than the original

Toy Story 4 wins best picture, beating Joss Whedon's Richard III

Odds were on Joss Whedon at the 2018 Academy Awards. The writer and director, nominated for an adaptation of Richard III set inside the offices of a Silicon Valley social media app, appeared to have the honor in the bag. But Academy members split the Best Picture vote between Whedon's critical darling and Bushwhacked, Kathryn Bigelow's dramatization of the collapse of Jeb Bush's 2016 run for president, allowing Toy Story 4 to score the biggest Best Picture upset since Crash.

This is a huge win for director John Lasseter, who dedicated his emotional speech to his his wife and children. The speech was only slightly marred by an offhand and perplexing comment criticizing the US government for threatening to tax Disney's plan to one day build a resort on the Moon.

The loss is the first setback in some time for Whedon, who had carte blanche following his success with Marvel films. Even without the gold statue, Richard III has established the director as something of a Hollywood miracle worker who can turn practically anything into a hit.

Sources at major studios agree that Whedon can do whatever he'd like, so long as it's not another Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog.

The Verge's Disney editorial team wants you!

Did you camp in line to see The Force Awakens? Did you write a master's thesis on gender and sexuality in Frozen? Are you convinced, despite what Disney has said, that Guardians of the Galaxy and Star Wars are actually set in the same universe? And do you have five or more years of professional writing experience at a major online media outlet?

If so, we'd love for you to apply for one of the following jobs:

  • Senior Marvel Rumor Monger
  • Deputy Pixar Podcaster
  • Investigative Reporter of International Disney Theme Parks

Report: Superhero costume reality shows now beat traditional reality shows in streaming views, with Marvel properties at the top

Audiences are more likely to watch reality shows in which all contestants wear superhero costumes than they are to watch similar reality shows in which superhero costumes are not prominently featured, according to a report from The Paley Center for Media.

That superhero costumes weren't a part of reality television a mere three years ago will be hard for some streaming viewers to believe. The Paley Center believes that directives from both Netflix and Amazon asking participants in their new catalog of reality shows to wear superhero outfits — colorful capes and spandex that represent their character strengths and flaws — has helped the streaming companies increase viewership without the heavy budgets of their awards-friendly programs.

An analytical report from Wedbush Securities shows the trend is clear and replicable. Data indicates that simply taking franchises like Survivor and The Bachelor, and adding superhero costumes to the wardrobe and a pun to the title, produces a show with almost twice the viewership as the original.

Netflix's NeXt-Men, a dating show produced by Marvel in which men and women choose from a bus full of suitors in superhero suits, is the front-runner for this year's Primetime Emmy for Outstanding Reality Television Program.

The new Han Solo movie is good, but not as good as this Harrison Ford shirtless scene from Working Girl

Cars 3 review: Now that I have kids, I guess these movies are good?

Universal's Jurassic Universe-led slate: should Disney be scared?

Universal celebrated the record-breaking $570 million international opening weekend of Jurassic World 2: The Lost Jurassic World by confirming the leak of its decade-long production slate. The list of films in development at the studio was leaked by an internet activism group demanding the production company lower the prices of in-app purchases in their Minions mobile game — currently the most popular game on Earth, with over 2 million active players a day.

The films include the mysteriously named Jurassic Universe, Mini Minion, a series of superhero movies built around Universal's classic monster properties, F9st and Furi9us, and four spinoff films planned for the next eight years that will follow the solo adventures of Dominic Toretto, Letty, Hobbs, and the ghost of Han.

Should Disney be scared? With DC Comics on the ropes, the closest competitor is now Universal, whose Fast & Furious films, some analysts believe, could be the superhero flicks of a new generation. If Disney's worried, they aren't letting anyone know it. On Twitter, the official Disney account responded to the news with a puckish, "We'll be first in line when Dom Torretto faces a T-Rex #congrats #stillnumber1."

Update: A press release confirmed the social media specialist operating Disney's Twitter handle has been let go.

In lieu of the delayed Star Wars Episode IX, Disney releases surprise Star Wars Holiday Special 4K remaster

Panic at Wal-Mart as Star Wars Holiday Special 4K remaster sells out in record time

Avengers: Infinity War - Part 2 breaks box office record

A year to the day after Jurassic World 2: The Lost Jurassic World destroyed box office records with a $570 million international opening weekend, Avengers: Infinity War - Part 2 opens with an astounding $620 million.

Bloomberg reports that the studio, sponsors, and partners spent over $500 million on cross-marketing promotions. The film is projected to gross $1 billion dollars by the end of its first week in theaters.

Watch the leaked Comic-Con trailer for the Chris Pratt reboot of Indiana Jones (UPDATE: trailer pulled)

Update July 13th, 2019, 12:05PM: Unfortunately, the teaser has been pulled by Disney.

For fans that missed the three-minute-long teaser trailer, the words "Indiana," "Jones," "Chris," "Pratt," and "Coming" — as well as the number 2020 — gradually fade in and out as a plane charts its way across a 1930s world map. And then, for the briefest second, we see Chris Pratt in full Indiana Jones gear. He's in a tomb, and soak sweats through his shirt. From the walls, spiders begin to pour into the room, surrounding the hero. He looks directly into the camera, and he says, "Why did it have to be spiders?!"

This is a significant departure for the character, who formerly was afraid of snakes.

In groundbreaking deal, Robert Downey Jr. sells image rights to Disney, will be digitally inserted into Marvel movies for "rest of eternity"

For months now, Robert Downey Jr. and Disney have been unable to come to an agreement about the actor's involvement in Phase 4 of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Rumors abounded of Downey Jr.'s reported $50-million-per-film price tag and demand that he spend no more than 30 days on set per film. But the two parties have managed to strike a last-minute arrangement, and it will involve the sort of technological wizardry Tony Stark is known for.

Robert Downey Jr. has sold his image, voice, and "soul" rights to be used in perpetuity and in all configurations for a lump sum of $1 billion. While that's certainly more than the estimated $250 million the actor would have made from initial plans for Phase 4, the contract will allow Disney to make movies starring the actor with as much or as little screen time as they wish for Phase 4 through Year 4000, if they so choose.

Under the agreement, Downey Jr. will no longer act in films, and will instead spend a few days a month for the next 10 years collaborating with a top team at Industrial Light and Magic, working to create an ever-more-lifelike digital replication of the celebrity.

Opinion: Why we should be terrified about the fine print in Disney's Soul Rights contract

32 awesome ways Disney might use Robert Downey Jr.'s soul rights

DC Comics hope LEGO adaptations will solve its superhero movie problem

The past five years haven't gone as hoped for DC Comics, whose flood of grimy, brooding superhero and supervillain films — designed to replicate Marvel's hot streak — failed to become record-breaking summer blockbusters. But while audiences failed to connect with live-action depictions of the comic book characters, 2017's The Lego Batman movie struck box office gold, and pointed the way for the future of Warner Bros. and DC Comics.

Today, DC Comics announces its plan to quadruple down on the Lego and superhero mash-up strategy with the announcements of The Lego Superman Movie (2020), The Lego Joker Movie (also 2020), The Lego Flash Movie (2021), and The Lego Green Lantern Movie (2022).

While the studio wouldn't confirm the rumors of The Lego Justice League Movie, it's widely believed that the five Lego superhero films are leading to an Avengers-like team flick. Perhaps that one will star a female Lego lead.

Breaking: Marvel confirms Black Panther 2, Thunderbolts, more Ant-Man for Phase 4 films

At Marvel Media Day, the superhero peddler announced its slate of blockbuster films for Phase 4 of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

  • Ant-Man and Wasp (2020)
  • Ms. Marvel (2020)
  • Spider-Man: Freshman Year (2021)
  • Guardians of the Galaxy: The Lost Mixtape (2021)
  • Thunderbolts (2021)
  • Inhumans: Attilan Rising (2022)
  • Planet Hulk (2022)
  • Black Panther 2 (2022)
  • The New Avengers: Oh Captain - Part 1 (2023)
  • Doctor Strange: The Illuminati (2023)
  • Iron-Man 4 (2023)
  • The New Avengers: Oh Captain - Part 2 (2024)

Star Wars Episode IX review: The Return of the Jedi of this generation

Disney launches streaming service Disneywhere, removes all films and shows from streaming competitors

If you like Disney and Marvel movies, get your Venmo chip ready for a new subscription streaming service: Disneywhere.

The platform, launching today, is now the only streaming service for all Disney, Pixar, Marvel, The Muppets, ESPN Films, and ABC television programs. Films and shows formerly available on competitor services disappeared this morning.

In a boilerplate email, a Netflix representative stated that Disney's contract had been set for renewal, and negotiations were going well before "Disney's decision makers stopped returning our phone calls."

Disneywhere launches with an exclusive new children's cartoon The Littlest Jedis of the Galaxy, a mash-up of the Star Wars and Guardians of the Galaxy universes, picking up where the post-credits sequence of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 left off. The story follows Star-Lord and his comrades Groot, Rocket, Howard the Duck, Drax, and Gamora, who — following a cosmic time rip triggered by Howard the Duck's five-alarm bean burrito farts — are now infants training to become jedis.

Following critical stinkbomb Episode IX, Star Wars reboot rumors take flight

Rumors of Star Wars reboot are baseless, says Disney CTO

Leak reveals internal Star Wars reboot documents

Disney puts Star Wars plans on hold as leaks continue, releasing 20-year internal playbook and scripts

Marvel's horrible box office on downward trend in one graph

Thunderbolts leaves theaters this weekend, marking the deepest drop yet in the worldwide gross of Marvel films. This one graph says it all about the Marvel Cinematic Universe's beleaguered Phase 3.

  • Ant-Man and Wasp (2020) - $730,000,000
  • Ms. Marvel (2020) - $702,000,000
  • Spider-Man: Freshman Year (2021) - $655,000,000
  • Guardians of the Galaxy: The Lost Mixtape (2021) - $740,000,000
  • Thunderbolts (2021) - $599,000,000

The Lego Justice League Movie to be split into three films, Disney ready for second place?

If you had asked me in 2015 how DC would surpass Marvel at the box office, I would never have guessed a deluge of Lego films. And yet, here we are with The Lego Green Lantern earning $1.8 billion worldwide, and DC and Warner Bros. announcing that the upcoming The Lego Justice League Movie will be split into three films.

The Lego Justice League Movie: Brick by Brick will release in the summer of 2023, The Lego Justice League Movie: Little Miss Kryptonite will arrive the following summer of 2024, and The Lego Justice League Movie: Mixed Up with Mxyzptlk will hit the same year just in time for the holidays.

"We believe there's no limit to the American — and international — audience's hunger for Lego superhero movies," said Warner Bros.' new director of superhero intellectual property Jax Biffman.

Live-action Mulan is single bright spot in bad year for Disney

Disney considers big acquisitions to reverse fortunes

Leak reveals plans for Disney to acquire Sony (Update: Sony acquired)

A hack of Sony's servers, the third this month, revealed that the company would be acquired by Disney moments before the company was acquired by Disney. With hacks happening on an almost weekly basis at Sony, most negotiations have been moved to paper-based technologies, but discussions of the plan appeared briefly in an email from Sony Pictures president Jake Thornbush sent to Disney VP of development Lindsay Grahamburger titled, "Re: Jax Biffman is a total butthole."

The personal email is four paragraphs of gossip about the Warner Bros. executive, who Grahamburger claims drunkenly shat himself at last year's Comic-Con when a fan dressed as Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy jumped out from behind a corner.

"My name is Groot?" wrote Thornbush. "More like 'His name is poop. Hahahaha.'"

In a postscript, Thornbush said he looks forward to seeing Grahamburger at the "big acosition [sic] branstorm [sic]."

Disney acquires Fox, reclaiming X-Men and Fantastic Four

(Captain America Annual #8)

With Marvel in a tailspin after the dismal box office return of the Phase 3 films, Marvel plans to reunite all its heroes under the same banner for a reboot of its Cinematic Universe. Today, Disney announced it has acquired 20th Century Fox, as well as the latter studio's legacy contracts for the film rights to X-MenFantastic Four, and a handful of other Marvel characters.

For nearly a decade, Marvel and Fox have tried to collaborate on films, but anonymous insiders close to Marvel say the studio no longer wants to compromise on its vision for Wolverine, Professor X, and the countless other mutants in dire need of cinematic representation.

"I mean this goes back to Avengers: Age of Ultron," said the source, who had experience working with both Fox and Marvel. "Marvel wasn't pleased to rewrite the backstory of Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch. They think of their characters like they're their own children. They probably think about them more than they think about their actual children, really."

For the first time in 16 years, Marvel will not be releasing a film during a calendar year. At this year's Comic-Con, Marvel reps said the studio is taking this time to create the best Marvel movies yet.

BREAKING: Marvel announces Phase A of Cinematic Universe: Iron Man, Spider-man, and more

At D23 2025, Marvel announced its upcoming slate for the reboot of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. According to Disney's new director of superhero media, Rex Biffman, brother of Warner Bros.' new director of superhero intellectual property Jax Biffman, Phase A is a pared-down crop of stories that returns Marvel films to what fans loved the most about them: normal people with extraordinary powers helping a world that isn't sure whether to idolize or destroy them.

Rex Biffman also announced that Disney and Microsoft would be collaborating on Minecraft adaptations of Marvel's mythology throughout Phase A.

  • Iron Man (2026)
  • X-Men (2027)
  • The Minecraft Captain America Movie (2027)
  • Spider-Man (2028)
  • The Minecraft Avengers Movie (2029)

Following the announcement, Biffman answered questions from fans. When asked if Rex's relationship with brother Jax was a conflict of interested, Rex revealed that he hadn't spoken to his brother since 2015, when an argument over Zack Snyder's capability as a director led to a fistfight between the then college-aged siblings.

"It's been said once and I'll say it again," said Rex. "Jax Biffman is a total butthole."

Story developing...

With rumored help from robots, Exxon, Wal-Mart, and Disney, Elon Musk breaks ground on First Bank of Mars

Elon Musk is having a bad day on Planet Earth, with work indefinitely stalled on his $4 billion and counting Hyperloop project. But in space, the inventor and entrepreneur doesn't have to worry about the State of California's bureaucracy. After five years of shuttling Space X-branded construction ‘bots to the surface of the gaseous Red Planet, Musk confirmed that the machines have begun work on a self-sustaining server farm on the otherwise uninhabited celestial body. Musk foresees the grand opening of a fully operational First Bank of Mars to occur within the next five years.

Governments across the world have taken Musk to court over his plan, though Musk believes his extraterrestrial bank is free of oversight from Earth's taxation. Musk intends for the First Bank of Mars to begin where PayPal ends, working in tandem with Bitcoin to create a new libertarian method of using and saving currency.

While no other businesses have confirmed involvement with the First Bank of Mars, sources close to Musk claim Exxon, Wal-Mart, and Disney plan to be the service's first clients. Rumors about Disney's interest in Mars have heated up with plans to build a resort on the Moon squashed by new US tax legislation that recognizes the lunar surface as a commonwealth.

Leaked PowerPoint slide shows plans for Millennium Falcon-branded rocket program

Disney exec: No plans to get in space travel at this time

Stop what you're doing and listen to Blue Ivy's mega hit, "I Am Destiny's Child"

Under the No Propagation of Media Act of 2024, this video has been removed at the request of Roc Nation. If you'd like to hear the song, it is available exclusively to subscribers of the Tidal channel in Apple Music and on the limited vinyl release of the Mulan 2: Make a Woman Out of You Official Soundtrack.

Why you can't find some of our Disney stories

It pains me to say that hundreds of Disney stories — and other Verge stories — were lost in our site-wide migration to Facebook. (Return to top)

North West, reality star, to play Ms. Marvel

Marvel is back! Today, Marvel announced that the biggest reality star on the planet, North West, will play her first fictional role as Ms. Marvel for the launch of Phase B of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Phase A of the Marvel Cinematic Universe started strong with the rebooted Iron Man, featuring a wholly computer-animated version of Robert Downey Jr. that incorporated the blonde tresses the venerable actor sported in 2024. Disney's purchase of Downey Jr.'s life rights looks especially wise in hindsight, with the reclusive mega-star unseen by the public since a brief appearance at the 2024 Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards. Box offices only improved from there with The Minecraft Captain America Movie destroying box office records with a $2 billion worldwide opening. The Minecraft Captain America Movie was the first Marvel film to open both at traditional theaters and virtual reality theaters within the Oculus platform.

North West, who rose to fame in her own right after appearing on her mother Kim Kardashian-West and father Kanye West's groundbreaking reality series, Westing Up with the Kimyes, and starring in her own weekly program, North by North West, in which the 14-year-old chronicled her Netflix television superhero adaptation / reboot of the forgotten 1990s Elijah Wood vehicle, North. Like so many reality stars before her, West's reality career has benefited from her wearing a superhero costume at all times.

Disney Globe asks vacationers and retirees to travel six months to visit Mars

Following the unprecedented success of the Elon Musk-helmed First Bank of Mars, Disney quietly and quickly began work on its own Martian operation: Disney Globe. The theme park, which the company announced today is under construction by robots already on the planet's surface, some contracted from Space X, will cater to retirees who want to spend their final years immersed in the Disney experience — without losing their savings to taxes.

"There's no tax on Disney Globe," said Lacey Burphouser, director of Disney Globe's Residential Operations. "Guests only have to pay Disney's annual fee, which will be based off their net worth and annual income."

Residents will have the option to live inside condos built within the scenery of their favorite attractions, watching park visitors experiencing the resort's rides through one-way windows. Burphouser hopes that these touches, unavailable anywhere on Earth, will inspire clients to take the six-month trip away from their home planet.

"I just hope the humans like the planet half as much as the robots do," said Burphouser, in reference to the newly designed construction bots designed to look like real-world versions of Mickey Mouse and other iconic Disney characters.

Star Wars reboot project mired by rising budget, egos, and Disney's demand to include Marvel characters, says fired screenwriter

Chris Pratt augmented reality skin lets anyone look like Indiana Jones, Star-Lord, and now Han Solo

Chris Pratt's coterie of characters has reliably earned Disney millions for over 15 years, but Disney has an unprecedented plan to build a new revenue stream out of Pratt himself.

Ten years after Disney purchased the image, voice, and "soul" rights from then-star, now-Harrison-Ford-esque-recluse Robert Downey Jr. for a cool $1 billion, the studio has announced the acquisition of the same rights from Chris Pratt for $1.5 billion. Pratt, whose image in The Littlest Jedis of the Galaxy, is one of Disney's most valuable commodities as the lead in the Guardians of the Galaxy television programs and the rebooted Indiana Jones and Star Wars franchises.

To celebrate the acquisition, Disney has announced Apple AR owners will have the ability to be perceived as their favorite Chris Pratt characters by other Apple AR owners using a novel app that wraps their body in a head-to-toe, lifelike animation.

While Pratt could not be reached for comment, his representatives say the actor doesn't believe the acquisition will discourage him from taking real life roles, likely a reaction to Robert Downey Jr.'s recent behavior. Downey Jr. was last spotted by paparazzi in 2028, boiling his boots in the backwoods of Claire Danes' Big Sur property. Danes, reportedly, had no idea that the actor had been there for the last 13 months prior.

"Boot stew," Downey Jr. is reported to have said, before retreating into his RV and taking off for parts unknown.

DC Comics hopes reboots will solve its superhero movie problem

Today, DC Comics announces its plan of quadrupling down on the reboot strategy with the announcements of Superman (2031), Wonder Woman (2032), The Flash (2033), and Green Lantern (2034).

While the studio wouldn't confirm the rumors of a Justice League reboot, it's widely believed that the five rebooted superhero films are leading to an Avengers-like team flick. The strategy will sound familiar to critics of Warner Bros. and DC Comics Lego strategy, which reversed the company's fortunes in the early 2020s.

Warner Bros. also announced that the company was in negotiations to acquire the image, voice, and "soul" rights of Christian Bale. Spotted by a New York Post reporter at Momofuku Bar and Grill, the actor hinted that the rumor might be true.

"Now is the time to seize the day," said Bale. "Stare down the odds, and seize the day."

Disney acquires NBC / Comcast / Universal

Disney continues to bring the biggest media companies and their precious properties under its mouse-eared umbrella. Today, the company acquired mass media giant Comcast. While the company's cable and internet operations have become an obsolete relic reserved for older clientele — thanks to the now almost universal membership to Google's free 36Gbps internet — the properties at NBCUniversal are the few remaining non-Disney films competing for attention in traditional and virtual theaters.

"This is a game changer," said Dolph Hornbeagle, VP of theatrical experiences at Oculus. Hornbeagle believes that the acquisition will make Disney the "mythmakers of our time."

The Fast & Furious franchise, which has released an average of three films a year, was the best hope for a studio to dethrone Disney's success with Marvel Phase A and the on-going Star Wars reboot project.

"Never before in history," continued Hornbeagle, "has one entity controlled the majority of fictional entertainment. We at Oculus let you escape reality, but Disney, they literally author reality. History won't be written by the winners, it'll be written by the holder of the most bankable IPs."

Disney representatives said fans can expect to hear more at D23 about plans to incorporate the Fast & Furious, Final Destination, and Jurassic Park franchises into Disney canon.

Thank you for sticking with The Verge's Disney team for 15 years

It's hard to believe 15 years ago I became The Verge's first full-time senior editor devoted to Disney coverage. I am proud that we have stuck with our original plan: to provide our readers with more trailers, set photos, and rumors. As The Verge's VP of Disney content, I oversee 85 of the most talented editors, reporters, designers, and filmmakers on the Disney beat. I want to take this moment to thank them for their tireless, creative work.

I also want to thank you. You've followed us from our early days on the homepage of The Verge dot com to our time within the Facebook ecosystem and onwards to the many platforms that we now call home.

Whether it's our Facebook, Snapchat, Blingo, Porkpot, Tencent, or Alibaba Babosphere, we're blessed to engage with you every minute of every day.

Blue Ivy secretly attends Harvard in peace by wearing Chris Pratt AR skin

Look at this photo of students at a Harvard lecture on advanced intellectual property law. Can you spot which one wearing a Chris Pratt AR skin is Blue Ivy? Neither can the students.

Ivy's publicist said that the former child star, who abandoned her music career to pursue a doctorate in film business — making her the youngest doctorate in the history of the program — is thankful for the Chris Pratt AR skin and the anonymity it provides.

"When Blue Ivy wears her Pratt skin," said publicist Yennifer Sondheim, "she's looks just like everyone else in their Pratt skins. A Pratt in a sea of Pratts."

Perhaps Chris Pratt would like a Blue Ivy skin. The actor hasn't been seen (at least that we know of!) since moving into a remote compound outside of Des Moines, Iowa.

Disney construction bots are actually genetically modified human-animal hybrids, claims New York Times investigation

First presidential endorsement from a superhero comes from Ms. Marvel

Ms. Marvel, formerly known as North West, has thrown her support behind presidential candidate Chelsea Clinton.

The former North West, who appeared as Ms. Marvel in Marvel's film adaptation of the titular comic series, has taken on the Ms. Marvel identity permanently, and spends her time and fortune fighting crime on the streets of Los Angeles. While Marvel hoped to prevent Ms. Marvel from embodying the identity of a character they own, the company lost the battle of public opinion. Ms. Marvel, who can be regularly seen driving a tank through the streets of West Hollywood and Los Feliz, is credited with the record-low crime in some of Los Angeles' wealthiest neighborhoods.

Senator Clinton said she is "honored to have the support of one of our nation's fiercest heroes."

The Littlest Jedis of the Galaxy wins director Leonardo DiCaprio his first Oscar

Leonardo DiCaprio's Oscar drought is over at long last. The actor-cum-director took home Oscar gold last night for his live-action adaptation of The Littlest Jedis of the Galaxy, starring the computer-animated reproduction of Chris Pratt, the voice of Adam Sandler as a young Howard the Duck, a robotic recreation of Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker, and Ms. Marvel née North West as Ms. Marvel.

"I'm just happy I finally got to use that, 'He's the king of the world,' line," said the artificial intelligence replication of former Academy Awards writer Bruce Vilanch, whose death three years ago remains under investigation. Sources close to the Los Angeles Police Department say officials believe Vilanch was murdered by a Catskill comedian that had attempted to take the writer to court over allegedly stolen jokes.

"It's just such a sad story," said the source, "but those jokes killed."

BREAKING: Large, but brief quake turns LA into giant sinkhole

An earthquake has consumed much of central Los Angeles. It's unclear at this time how the natural disaster will affect the shooting schedule of Disney's 2035-2036 slate.

Developing...

Disney announces Crossover Universe Phase X

Fans feared Disney would be crippled by the devastation of the LA Earthquake, but newly installed Disney CEO Rex Biffman opened D23 2035 with news that the company had, over the past decade, secretly backlogged over a half-dozen films that merge the full Disney catalog as a failsafe in case of a cataclysmic event. The films, Biffman hopes, will keep viewers entertained and the company financially stable while it begins work on a collaboration with the State of California that he calls, "New Los Angeles."

The schedule for Phase X is below:

  • Fast, Furious, and Furry: Chewbacca Origins (2035)
  • Indiana Jones and the Doctor of Doom (2036)
  • The Minecraft Mickey Movie (2036)
  • X-Men in X-Wings (2037)
  • The Fantastic Four's Final Destination (2037)
  • Indiana Jones and the Lawyer of Dread (2038)
  • The Avengers vs. The Rebel Alliance (2038)
  • Montage! The Disneymania Clip Show (2039)

California passes bill that will allows Disney's genetically engineered characters to rebuild Los Angeles under condition of strict regulations

Omni Awards founded to revitalize New Los Angeles

Disney has announced the Omni Awards, a ceremony designed to both celebrate and promote its progress on "the city of the future."

According to a source close to Disney, the Omni Awards are meant to replace D23, Comic-Con, and the Academy Awards, all of which — insiders agree — have been rendered largely obsolete. A hybrid of fan conventions, press announcements, and awards ceremonies, the Omnis will span two weeks of events in various theaters and lecture halls within New Los Angeles.

The rise of New Los Angeles, the nation's first "privately held city," has felt, for many local residents, like a miracle. After the historically severe earthquake sunk central Los Angeles into a pit 200 feet beneath the city, Disney has worked tirelessly to revitalize the area.

Unable to fund such a sizable relief effort, the State of California exchanged 23.5 square miles of land in the heart of Los Angeles for an undisclosed stake in Disney and an agreement that will see any standing governor as a member of the company's advisory board.

Nobody, except for maybe Disney's senior most executives, could have imagined the speed and efficiency with which the company would rebuild downtown Los Angeles. Thanks in large part to lessons learned from the terraforming and construction work on Disney Globe, the studio-cum-citystate was able to program construction robots to create an artificial bedrock structure resistant to future earthquakes, with five new self-sustaining residential skyscrapers and a world-class production studio, within 19 months.

Millions of the area's former residents have chosen to stay in the area, commuting via a high-speed elevator to and from the surface of what residents now like to call "Old Los Angeles."

"I love Old Los Angeles," said Tom Connors, a resident of one of the new condominiums and a developer on the anticipated Mark Hamill AR skin. "But in New Los Angeles, the police are dressed like the Avengers. And the guy who drives the bus thinks he's Mickey Mouse. Now this is my kind of country!"

Chris Pratt confirms he's alive, announces "How to Stew Boots" cookbook collaboration with Robert Downey Jr.

After months of silence, Chris Pratt has released a video statement confirming he is alive and that he plans to release a cookbook co-authored by Robert Downey Jr. by the end of the year.

Hive-mind media services have been aflutter in recent months with the Pratt Is Dead movement gaining steam. Dead Pratt Truthers have long proclaimed that the actor died when his space shuttle, traveling to Disney Globe, crash-landed onto the gaseous red planet of Mars. The Truthers have believed that their theory was confirmed by the post-post-credits sequence of The Littlest Jedi of the Galaxy, in which Howard the Duck turns to the camera and says, "This is not a joke, Chris Pratt died while taking a top secret trip to Mars."

Even with the announcement by Pratt, Truthers remain skeptical. "This 'official statement' was clearly made by an imposter," said Tracey Börnswagger, a founding member of the official Pratt Is Dead Facebook Mob, which boasts over 10 million members. "This could be anyone on the planet wearing a Chris Pratt AR skin."

How to Stew Boots, by Chris Pratt and Robert Downey Jr., will be available on all major book-to-pod streaming platforms this holiday season.

America opens government-funded film studio: Washingtonia

Congress and President Clinton agree on one thing: America needs to be in the film business.

The bill, dubbed, "A Washingtonia to Save America," passed unanimously in both the House and the Senate, and was signed with great aplomb by President Clinton, allowing the government to fund a $20 billion entertainment studio.

The plan comes two years after the government tried and failed to divide Disney under monopoly law. The measure is seen as a move of national security, with Disney receiving substantial funding from foreign investors, and paying fewer taxes than ever before by nesting income on Mars.

"Disney controls our economy, it controls our mythology, and it's gradually controlling our land," said Senator Todd Dingleback (I-TX). In the past year, Disney has acquired large plots of lands in New York City, Minneapolis, Seattle, and Topeka in the United States, and Buenos Aires, Dublin, Madrid, and Kyoto abroad by revitalizing areas destroyed in global warming incidents.

"Disney is a philanthropic organization that's gone to bat for humanity when government has failed it," said Disney CEO Rex Biffman. "We are the heroes this nation wants, and the heroes it deserves."

Fans hope Biffman's comment hints at Disney's long-awaited acquisition of DC Comics.

Disney under fire as genetically engineered construction organisms spotted outside SoCal confines

Creamzoids, the genetically engineered half-human, half-animal race of iconic Disney characters, have now been spotted breeding without a license in 19 other states and 4 other nations, claims a new report by the Dubai Post. The piece claims Disney has failed to prevent the new species from expanding outside of its Southern California laboratory.

Disney officials claim Creamzoids were genetically engineered without reproductive organs, but the Dubai Post's report claims that Creamzoids have evolved rapidly, gaining the ability to reproduce, think at a superhuman-level, and possibly bend our understanding of reality with their advanced understanding of metaphysics.

Disney acquires Warner Bros. and DC Comics, announces plans to reboot Marvel and DC as singular universe

"We've put on a good show of hating one another," said Jax Biffman, president of Warner Bros., in regards to the executive's assumed feud with brother and Disney CEO Rex Biffman. "But really, we've been working tirelessly to bring Marvel and DC together for over a decade."

What some are calling corporate collusions, the Biffmans are calling brotherly love. And while the coupling of the two superhero powerhouses will make Disney the most powerful company in the world, fans are just happy to hear that Batman and Iron-Man will finally appear side by side.

Disney confirms the film, Batman and Iron-Man in the Battle of New Los Angeles, will feature the computer-animated souls of Christian Bale and Robert Downey Jr. and will be the first film shot on-location in New Los Angeles using the 20,000 permanently installed 12K cameras built into the city's infrastructure.

"Seeing the replication of my two favorite actors in the comic book mash-up of our generation, it's just my childhood dream come true," said Scott Busby, vacationing in New Los Angeles from New Manhattan.

Disney also announced the acquisition of multiple robotics and military engineering programs. Fans suspect the purchase is to improve the veracity of Disney's action-packed superhero catalog, though some critics claim the $30 billion round of acquisitions will leave Disney with the second largest standing army on the planet.

EXCLUSIVE: The truth about Disney's Creamzoids and their gradual colonization of the United States

Disney acquires Vox Media, feeds staff to construction bots

For nearly 25 years, I've had the opportunity to provide you independent coverage of Star Wars, Marvel, and Indiana Jones. After devoting my life to bringing you the best trailers, set photos, and rumors, I fulfilled my all but forgotten dream of breaking through Disney's nearly impenetrable PR barrier and reporting on the grim activities that happen behind the glossy exterior.

I thought "The truth about Disney's Creamzoids and their gradual colonization of the United States," a feature that exposed Disney's collaboration with the US government to control the population with an artificial race called Creamzoids, would be the pinnacle of my career.

I got my wish, though not as I expected. Today, Disney has acquired Vox Media along with the rights to mind, body, voice, and soul of all of its employees. With those rights, it has elected to feed all of us to the Creamzoids. To my co-workers, I give my apologies. To my family, I give my love. And to my readers, I give the following message prepared by my lawyer:

Disney brings no harm unto the innocent. Let it be known that my punishment fits my crime.

Do not mourn me, no matter what I say as my body is gnashed into pulp.

Do not lose faith in the power of entertainment.

Do not fear the Creamzoids.