Dear President Obama,
My name is Chris Plante. You don't need to pretend to know me. We've never met. I'm just one of the millions of citizens in the country you've sworn to lead. I know you're busy, but I would like to wish you a happy birthday and share this little token of my appreciation.
It's not much. I don't have much expendable income, and even if I did buy you a gift — a statue of a grizzly bear high-fiving a baby grizzly bear — I can't figure out how the statue would find its way to your deserving hands. As you can see, my options are limited, as is my time. In fact, I fear the editor-in-chief of this very site might terminate this post if he sees it being written. Far as I can tell, I have one real option, and that's to share with you the most interesting thing in my tabs: the music video for Nickelback's "You Keep Me Up."
Now, I'm not going to pretend you're a loyal reader of my work, but you might remember that I once wrote the headline "I wouldn't wish the new Nickelback music video on my worst enemies." And at the time, that was true. However — and this is not a joke — I admire your leadership skills. You're smart, generous, and patient, and you strive to reduce, not increase, the number of enemies of our great nation. I realized in writing that headline so many months ago I made one enemy, and it was none other than Mr. Nickel Back himself. I can think of no better way to offer an olive branch to Mr. Back than by sharing his music video with the president of the United States of America.
President Obama, keep on truckin'.
Here's to another 54 years,