First Click: The rose gold iPhone is causing a global crisis in masculinity

September 15th, 2015

For all its rough and rugged mystique, masculinity can be the most vulnerable of traits. Forged by the knuckle-worn fists thumping hard against Homosapien chests, and honed to a fine sheen in the gladiator bathhouses of ancient Rome, the fragile male ego is now under threat by the greatest force the world has ever known: the rose gold iPhone.

Just look at that pretty pink hue, boys. You crave the newest color on the newest model of the world’s most popular phone but can’t stop thinking "pink is for girls" or "pink is gay." You hate yourself for wanting it, and you’re scared; what will people think if you pre-order a bigger better rose gold iPhone 6S Plus to 3D Touch late at night? How will the guys respond when they see you Apple Pay a round of beers with it at the ballpark?

Read next: The iPhone 6S review.

Cautiously you extend a leg, plié, and dip your pointed toe into the hostile waters of Twitter to find out lol.

It’s then that you see that your fears were unfounded. Sure, some responses are laced with a homophobic taint (this is Twitter, after all) but they’re the fringe, the homophobes are now the minority. Mostly, nobody cares — nobody but the insecure men who crave a pink object.

In fact, searching Twitter for "rose gold gay" or the more hateful "rose gold fag" reveals an overwhelmingly staunch defense for the color pink against any kind of sexual orientation, even though relatively few people were making those accusations in the first place.

So, chill. If you like the pink iPhone then buy the pink iPhone. Hell, buy two. Nobody cares but you.

Five stories to start your day

  1. The best Bluetooth speaker gets a sequel: this is UE Boom 2

    How do you improve on a "flawless" Bluetooth speaker? For Logitech's Ultimate Ears, the answer is make it louder, improve its wireless range, and give it a more durable design. Add those refinements together and you get the UE Boom 2, the sequel to our favorite portable speaker.

  2. These refugees made a zombie movie to confront their trauma

    Sometime last year, not long after he and his mother arrived at a refugee camp in Burundi, Alain Bulambo decided to make a movie. Like nearly everyone else in the camp, Bulambo left his native Democratic Republic of the Congo to escape decades of death and conflict, though he soon realized that the scars would not be easily erased.

  3. Can rice actually save your wet phone?

    In an era of Genius Bars, man-on-robot assault, and do-it-yourself handgun drones, the so-called rice trick feels like a kernel of ancient wisdom, passed down from one generation to the next. You can almost imagine our ancestors dunking their precious, soggy goods into burlap sacks of rice long ago. But where did the rice trick come from — and does it really work?

  4. PewDiePie is probably shooting his own TV show

    Kotaku has taken a deep dive into the recent work and social media life of YouTube star PewDiePie (aka Felix Kjellberg), one that's yielded an interesting conclusion: he's probably making a TV show. Kjellberg is set to spend the next two months in Los Angeles, and so far he's spent his time zipping between various sets and local landmarks; when he arrived, TMZ reported that he was "in town to shoot a TV show," a claim Kjellberg danced around in a subsequent video.

  5. Here’s what one year in space does to your body

    Want to know how much poop an astronaut produces while spending a year on the International Space Station? It's somewhere around 180 pounds. That fun fact is brought to you by NASA, which just released an infographic breaking down all the numbers surrounding astronaut Scott Kelly's one-year stay on the ISS.

Jump of the day