First Click: The rose gold iPhone is causing a global crisis in masculinity

September 15th, 2015

For all its rough and rugged mystique, masculinity can be the most vulnerable of traits. Forged by the knuckle-worn fists thumping hard against Homosapien chests, and honed to a fine sheen in the gladiator bathhouses of ancient Rome, the fragile male ego is now under threat by the greatest force the world has ever known: the rose gold iPhone.

Just look at that pretty pink hue, boys. You crave the newest color on the newest model of the world’s most popular phone but can’t stop thinking "pink is for girls" or "pink is gay." You hate yourself for wanting it, and you’re scared; what will people think if you pre-order a bigger better rose gold iPhone 6S Plus to 3D Touch late at night? How will the guys respond when they see you Apple Pay a round of beers with it at the ballpark?

Read next: The iPhone 6S review.

Cautiously you extend a leg, plié, and dip your pointed toe into the hostile waters of Twitter to find out lol.

It’s then that you see that your fears were unfounded. Sure, some responses are laced with a homophobic taint (this is Twitter, after all) but they’re the fringe, the homophobes are now the minority. Mostly, nobody cares — nobody but the insecure men who crave a pink object.

In fact, searching Twitter for "rose gold gay" or the more hateful "rose gold fag" reveals an overwhelmingly staunch defense for the color pink against any kind of sexual orientation, even though relatively few people were making those accusations in the first place.

So, chill. If you like the pink iPhone then buy the pink iPhone. Hell, buy two. Nobody cares but you.

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