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Where is Frank Ocean: a few best guesses

Happy July 64th, everyone!

Frank Ocean

The followup to Frank Ocean's Channel Orange, which became a veritable hip-hop phenomenon in 2012, was announced in April. It was promised to arrive by the end of July. Frank Ocean's exact words were "I got two versions. I got twoooo versions. #ISSUE1 #ALBUM3 #JULY2015 #BOYSDONTCRY." Boys Don't Cry is the name of the promised album, as well as the accompanying magazine that Ocean designed and edited.

As may already be obvious to you, it is no longer July. It is also no longer the month after July. It is, in fact, September, and people are starting to get worried about the location and well-being of Mr. Ocean.

frank ocean

As with all mysteries, the best course of action is to crowd-source. Here are the internet's best guesses as to where in the world and when in time Frank Ocean is now.

This was a good guess at one point (on a Sunday), but it is now a Wednesday. No one brunches on Wednesday.

I mean, I guess it's possible that Frank Ocean was seduced by this person and is currently in France, but the photo announcing the album and magazine contains the finished magazine. The end products are just laying around Frank Ocean's house, along with that frog painting no one has bothered to mount to the wall. They're not still being revised to include some summer fling in Europe!

Frank's 2013 collaboration with Beyoncé made it onto Barack Obama's official summer playlist, so it seems he's curried enough favor with the president to avoid such a fate. And if not, the Beygency would surely have his back, right?

Well, this one's just flat-out wrong. The VMAs, like all glamorous public arenas, were orchestrated for the sole purpose of furthering Taylor Swift's plan for world domination.

I don't know how plausible this is. An inverse The Usual Suspects called People Not Suspected of Crimes, starring Frank Ocean as a friendly hallucination who successfully and amiably convinces Chazz Palminteri of many facts, sounds like an okay idea, though. I guess.

The Verge will offer no official speculation about the location, health, or temperament of Frank Ocean at this time, but will update as soon as we know anything substantial.

Frank Ocean is unavailable for comment on this, we assume.