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DJ Khaled intervenes to save Jeb! from himself

'You know I rock wit Obama'

Jimmy Kimmel, who is objectively the worst person in the world, explained DJ Khaled's incredible Snapchat to his late night television audience yesterday. I'm surprised that demographic wasn't already aware of a rapper's Snapchat! Just kidding, I'm not! Are you?!

After Jimmy Kimmel — who has been condescending in the past, so we shouldn't be surprised — finished explaining a social media phenomenon via a television program format formalized in the late 1940s, he aired an exclusive message from DJ Khaled to presidential candidate Jeb Bush.

You may never be president, Jeb, but you could still be a healthier you

The advice that Khaled offered Jeb is reasonable advice, though notably unrelated to winning the presidential election. That's because Khaled, while an optimist, is also a pragmatist and a true friend. He could tell just by looking at Jeb! that there were some physical and emotional health issues to tackle first.

Here are the key advice takeaways from Khaled's message, which seem like they could apply to Jeb Bush or really anyone.

  • Don't play basketball.
  • The key to success is hammock talk.
  • A healthy breakfast, a full green apple. That's the key.
  • The key is sneakers.
  • You got to water your plants.
  • Have a glow.
  • Always use cocoa butter. Major key. Cocoa butter. Major key. Cocoa butter.

Jeb Bush has already started implementing some of this advice. It won't improve his chances of becoming president, but it might improve his chances of having a cool story to tell his young niece.

Please, whoever you are (but especially you, Jeb!), make self-care a priority in 2016.