Despite the lore dating back to Pokémon Gold and Silver claiming you can make a delicious soup from Slowpoke tails, the new Pokémon Cookbook doesn’t show you how to cook your pokémon friends. To that I say: thank goodness. Instead, we get a delightful guide on how to style your food in the most kawaii of ways, whether it’s a “Pikachu Happy Face Cake” or “Meowth Mashed Potatoes,” in which Meowth’s arms are made of cauliflower.
Unlike the also-recently-released World of Warcraft cookbook, which features hearty recipes worthy of a feast, The Pokémon Cookbook features light bites and cutely styled food that’s too precious to eat. Except I totally did, and I’m here to tell you that two hot dog wieners and a couple of stray potato chunks don’t make for the most ideal dinner.
Flipping through the book, I scanned the pages for the easiest recipe I could re-create. The Diglett Potato Field seemed least intimidating of all and didn’t require me to purchase quail eggs, so I ran with it. But I decided to take it one step further.
The original recipe is fine, but it would only take some strategically inserted pasta noodles to transform these fine pokémon into their superior Alolan versions. It took some trial and error...
But the end results were pretty satisfying.
I made sure to document the entire process on Snapchat, because there’s definitely no way I’ll ever be making this dish again. Confused friends replied with polite “lols.” I also sent these photos to my editor Chris Plante, who still hasn’t opened them.
Immediately after my wild photo spree, unable to restrain my hunger, I terrorized the Diglett potato field with my bare hands. I ate half of the scenery with abandon, then chopped up the other two Digletts for the following day’s spaghetti lunch.
If you’d like to try making your own Alolan Dugtrio, or any of the other recipes shown above, The Pokémon Cookbook is available in stores now. If you hate me because I’m one of those people who make their own substitutions to a recipe willy-nilly and you want to stay true to the original recipe, here it is!