The first time I watched Raiders of the Lost Ark, I was hypnotized by its iconic face melting scene. I found myself entranced by its waxy effect. The intent was nasty. The execution, oddly artistic. I suddenly found candles far more intriguing.
In the online age, there’s a place on YouTube for weirdos like me. The expanding region is full of people melting paint balls, calculators, jawbreakers, styrofoam, and my god does the list go on. If there’s ever a household object you’ve wanted to liquify, somewhere, somehow, a video exists of it. There are even twists on this trend: melting things with fire, melting things with copper, melting things by slicing into them with a hot knife.
I love him like I love all of my other useless garbage
I’m especially intrigued by this last variation, as it combines my love of watching things be neatly sliced up while also producing a molten effect, like watching butter bubble in the microwave. Boy, that sounded a lot less like a serial killer in my head!
However, today I finally found my boundary. It is this video by Watch It Melt, in which a hot knife is taken to a sweet Gudetama figure.
In case you don’t already know my boy Gudetama, he’s a cartoon egg yolk from Hello Kitty creator Sanrio. Gudetama is perpetually living the “not having it today” lifestyle. He uses bacon as a blanket. He says “lazy” and “meh” a lot. He just wants you to leave him alone. Some people might call Gudetama useless; I think that’s probably true, but I love him like I love all of my other useless garbage.
So, anyway, this video — this wretched, horrible video that turns a thing I love against another thing I love, thereby making them compete for my love. Melting videos make me sing with a pleasure I can only describe as that sound Homer Simpson makes while drooling, but I just can’t stand for this kind of entertainment. In the battle for my cold dead heart, a winner is you, Gudetama.