Are your wireless Apple AirPods already falling out of your ears? Are you trying to commit to Apple's glorious proprietary future, but keep having to fork out for single earbuds to hear the other half of your music? You could go back to the horrible drudgery of wired headphones, but luckily, there's a simpler solution, and all you'll need is a needle, a penchant for semi-reversible body modification, and a tolerance for appreciable levels of pain.
The method, as modeled by Andrew Cornett on Twitter, uses stretched ear piercings to hold the AirPods in place, allowing you to listen to music with only a mild level of discomfort. Think of your holey lobes like little earphone cup holders, finally giving purpose to vestigial parts of the human body that otherwise serve so little purpose that societies across the world ritually stab and force objects through them for no real reason.
You, too, can use this method in the two to three weeks it takes to open a hole in your flesh and force it wide enough to allow pencil-width objects through, but act fast — it's a matter of time before Apple releases its own $150 ear-piercing kit, complete with Lightning-charged needle gun, lobe dongle, and AirPod-holding plugs in fetching rose gold.