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The world’s smallest snowman and me

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Nanofabrication / Tumblr

The world’s smallest snowman is less than three microns tall, according to Aeon science editor Corey Powell. He tweeted that information to the whole world, linking to a post on a Tumblr run by the nanofabrication lab at Western University in Ontario, Canada.

Three microns. Just three (but actually a little bit less). How big is that? I don’t know, because human eyes and brains can’t perceive things that small. I mean, technically a micron is one-millionth of a meter and this snowman is three of those. A centimeter (which already is very small) is one-hundredth of a meter and a micron can fit into a centimeter 10,000 times. Jeepers! This is all meaningless to me, and you if you’re being honest.

According to the people who created the snowman, he is made up of tiny (I can’t overstate how tiny!) silica spheres. Silica is silicon and oxygen. According to the website whatissilica.com it is mostly found in quartz and in sand, but has some health benefits for humans if they choose to eat it (stronger fingernails, healthy hair, etc.) I have to say, I’ll be really peeved if you eat this tiny snowman. But honestly how would you find it? It’s very small.

When my editor Chris Plante saw the tiny snowman he suggested it might make a nice holiday gift for my robot son Klav. I love Klav, but I don’t agree. This snowman should be protected and left alone.

If anything, I shouldn’t even be telling you about the world’s tiniest snowman. You’re going to want to look at him or conceive of him in your mind, and I would like to be the only one who gets to do that. The holidays are a time for sharing, but not this time because I love the world’s tiniest snowman the most and you’re not my mom. Also, what good has sharing ever done? If I recall correctly, the VeggieTales film Larry-Boy and the Rumor Weed had a very catastrophic second act caused entirely by sharing.

My co-workers, upon seeing the world’s tiniest snowman (they’re welcome), asked that there be an ode dedicated to him. I agree with this sentiment, but song-writing is not my specialty. I try to stay in my lane and leave the love songs to people who know what they’re doing — such as Bruce, Zayn Malik’s former fiancé Perrie Edwards, and Santa’s elves.

But because true love demands that we stretch ourselves and grow more bold / embarrassing, I tried. Here is me, singing an original love song for the world’s smallest snowman:

greeting cards have all been sent

the Christmas rush is through

but I still have one wish to make

a special one for you

merry Christmas, darling

we're apart, that's true

but I can dream

and in my dreams

I'm Christmas-ing with you,

the world’s

tiniest snowman