Skip to main content

Marco Rubio just realized that he is handsome, regardless of everything else

Marco Rubio just realized that he is handsome, regardless of everything else

Share this story

Marco Rubio is young and beautiful. Marco Rubio's campaign would like you to know it.

To that point, the campaign has started selling "Marco Ru(bae)o" T-shirts, which are electric blue, made in America, and require "extra time for delivery due to high demand." If you recall, "bae" is a pet name for a significant other that came into popular usage, was abused terribly, went through an ironic period, and then was phased out of use by all but the most thirsty of brands and white of moms.

lmao, marco rubio was so unwoke he didn't even know he was bae

But at one point it was used by young people, and Marco Rubio is understandably interested in letting those young people know that he exists, and is also young. He also wants to be president, which is not entirely clear from this T-shirt, but which you might know if you ever looked up from your texting machine, kiddo.

Another great item you can buy if you want to support a presidential candidate and simultaneously be about four years behind the popular lexicon is Chillary Clinton's beer coozy (which she calls a "can holder"). Pretty chill, amirite?


If nonsense is your style, try this T-shirt that associates Bernie Sanders with the 1940s and social security for no good reason.

bernie sanders

If Donald Trump and obvious oxymorons are up your alley, consider this intimidating lawn decoration (set of two!):


Do you love Carly Fiorina, your dog, and dog clothing that can only be worn for at most six days before your dog mauls it in an act of shame? Are you not totally sure when the presidential election is? Are you lost, Nana? If you click the back arrow, it’ll take you to Facebook.

carly fiorina

Ted Cruz can just "C" it now: you and your pals coloring a picture of him, you and your pals hanging the picture on someone's fridge, some random guy tearing it down and rolling a blunt with it a few days later. At the end, he's president!

ted cruz

This object's price has been reduced by $10.50:


All of Jeb Bush's merchandise is so boring I can't even make fun of it.