There's a lot to love about spring — nice weather! hot pop singles! the melting of stinky ice clogging Manhattan sewer drains! — but there's one thing to hate — putting away sweaters. Sweaters are comfy and warm and make you feel like a cuddle bug. I succumb to society's pressures to conceal them in a box under my bed for six months, but these animals don't play by society's rules. These cute creatures wear sweaters through all seasons. Let us choose a favorite.
Here are your choices, and some helpful background that you should read thoroughly so that you can make an informed decision:
Paul Gillis / Avon Valley Wildlife Park
The lambs are good because they are the most festive — they got themselves born just to celebrate that it's springtime! Also it's funny for lambs to wear sweaters knitted from yarn, because it's possible that the yarn is wool and obviously they already have wool on their bodies! On the other hand, that sort of makes me think about how weird it is when people wear clothes that are adorned with human hair. How revolting! But goodness, look how cute art the lambs. Darlings, all.
Phillip Island Nature Parks
The penguins are good because an adorable old man (the oldest man in Australia!) made their adorable sweaters, and their frocks have the most detail. I mean, one of those penguins is wearing a sweater with the logo for Penguin Books, and another of those penguins has a bad-ass fish skeleton sweater (probably because penguins eat fish, oh my gosh!). Additionally, one of the penguins has what I believe to be a Superpenguin costume, which includes a cape. Are you kidding me with this cuteness? Also, some of the penguins are RUNNING.
The incredible old man who made these sweaters said "I'm a sucker. I can't say no," in reference to these penguins, and I 100 percent agree with him. I would never be capable of saying the word "no" to a single one of these penguins.
The chickens are good because their sweaters are more like sweater vests, which is funky. The chickens are sort of the underdog of this contest, because before you saw a chicken in a sweater you might not have thought chickens were a very cute animal. In my eyes, that makes them even cuter. The young woman who made these chicken sweaters told Mashable, "The tank tops are also something really different that provide some fun for the chickens." Does it help you to know that the chickens are having fun in their sweaters? It's sure not helping me narrow down my favorite in a stacked field! Also, all of these chickens are in fact hens, and I am a huge proponent of girl gangs in really any form, including chicken.
Niall from One Direction
Niall from One Direction is good because I have been quietly in love with him since 2012. His sweater is festive for all the wrong reasons (it's March, you Niall! Not Christmas!) but I find it endearing nonetheless. Niall Horan sometimes dyes his hair purple, and goes by "Lavender Niall" when he does so. That's nice. Can you believe this is a real image of a human boy? Me neither.
Alex Gibney / CNN Films
Young Steve Jobs
Young Steve Jobs is good because he reminds you of the original purpose of the sweater — shrinking in the wash and emphasizing one's slender wrists. This sweater has gotten really pilly and looks almost unfathomably uncomfortable, which hopefully makes you feel comfy and safe by comparison. I really don't know what else to say about this photo, I feel like it defies words and you can feel really all you need to know about it in the pit of your stomach and in the space behind your kneecaps.
Okay, now is the time. Answer my question or leave please!