Happy 4/20! Sean Paul has a message for you. Actually, he has several. His messages are: "Girl today you are my target," "I am Sean Paul, I am the man," and (paraphrased) "Look at this rose gold iPhone I have!"
UK girl band Little Mix debuted a video this morning for their reggae-pop kiss-off jam "Hair," featuring a brand-new verse from Sean Paul. The video chronicles a boy-bashing slumber party complete with off-brand citrus soda, olive and yellow pepper pizza, a very suspicious pink drink, hairbrush karaoke, booty shorts, choreography, and a bannister staircase. I'm not saying this is supposed to be the ideal stoner slumber party and a sly 4/20 tribute, but I couldn't possibly argue a way in which it isn't.
4/20 just happens to fall on #WCW this year
In the story of "Hair," my new go-to wake-and-bake-and-text-something-rude-to-a-boy song, Little Mix's Leigh-Anne Pinnock is scrolling through Instagram on her iPhone (tastefully disguised by a phone case!) when she comes across a pic of Sean Paul hanging out with another girl. She calls up her crew, who are all using phones that are hard to identify. The phones are sort of secondary to the plot.
The girls are having a grand old time — trying on weird jackets, flirting with a pizza-delivery guy who drives a motorcycle, and not really endorsing any smartphone brands. Sean Paul, who is already kind of annoying me by interrupting this fabulous girl time, decides he wants to rap about his love for Leigh-Anne over FaceTime. On a romance scale from 1 to 10 I would call that move an ohh, buh-rother.
This is when the video goes from chill 4/20 party to Sean Paul's very unchill Apple commercial. I sort of wonder if the Little Mix girls told Sean Paul he was in an Apple commercial as a joke and he believed them. He definitely cares a lot more about the world seeing his rose gold iPhone than he cares about the world seeing his face, which spends most of the video covered partially by sunglasses, said rose gold iPhone, and that red leather thing I refuse to call a hat.
Sean Paul has a lot of tactics for romancing his iPhone, which I will rate on the scale of 1 to 10 I mentioned earlier.
"Hey, girl"-ing a rose gold iPhone: 2
Points for a well-timed crooked smile, but please don't point. Too aggressive for rose gold!
Classic emphatic slap-yourself-on-the-heart move: 4
Slightly more romantic, but marred a little bit by the ghost of Justin Bieber.
Steering into the flattering rosy light of the setting sun: 9
There is almost nothing on this Earth that is more romantic than good lighting. In fact, it would be hard to say if love is real or if we've all been tricked by sunsets. Sean Paul loses one romance point because he's still doing superfluous pointing and wearing an object on his head.
Sensual swaying: -12
Swaying your hips at a phone is a choice, and it's a choice that Sean Paul has made.
Happy 4/20 to you and all your phones! Even you, SP.