Plot twist: when Beyoncé told us "I got hot sauce in my bag / swag" she was not talking about a condiment. She was talking about a baseball bat, which she uses to bust up car windshields and fire hydrants and wig store security cameras, singing, "I don't want to lose my pride but Imma fuck me up a bitch."
This is bad news for Hillary Clinton, who has really been capitalizing on the fact that she carries hot sauce in her bag, and that she had the good sense to establish this fact four years ago.
This is good news for anyone who wants to feel the bottom fall out of their stomach and then watch their hearts rise to the sky, accompanied by a reggae break-up banger. It makes me so uncomfortable to think that my mother and sisters haven't watched Lemonade yet, because they could be more complete women than they are right now and because they are living in ignorance of the new definition of hot sauce — "any sports equipment used to exhibit righteous misandry."
Long live Hot Sauce.
hot sauce turning out to be a baseball bat is a top five plot twist in the history of art and literature and everything— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) April 25, 2016