Whatever your feelings about President Obama and his time in office, I believe we, as a nation, can agree he gave us one pure, unquestionably great thing: the Vice Presidency of Joseph R. Biden.
This dialogue, shared by yesterday's White House pool report and transcribed by the Los Angeles Times, captures the vice president of the United States confessing to the Vatican secretary of the state that he lost a Hamilton in a bet. Biden claimed that in a drag race Cadillac CTS-V would beat a Tesla Model S. Biden, of course, was wrong.
BIDEN: What an honor to see you again.
BIDEN: I don't know whether you know, your photograph is hanging in my office.
PAROLIN: Oh yeah?
BIDEN; Yes, from our meeting.
PAROLIN: You have already met with the Holy Father.
BIDEN: I have met with the Holy Father. And I've met with these guys, too.
(GESTURES TO POOL THEN GRIPS YOUR POOLER)
BIDEN: I had to pay this man $10. He's from the New York Times. We had a bet: which is the faster car, the newer Cadillac or the new Musk car. Which?
BIDEN: The Tesla. I bet the Cadillac.
POOLER: He went for the old technology. I went for the new.
PAROLIN: Oh yes?
BIDEN: The Tesla's two tenths of a second faster. But I lost. I paid my $10. (LOUDER TO ENTIRE POOL, ROOM AND PERHAPS CITY) I want the record to show, I paid my $10.
MEMOLI (CATHOLIC REPRESENTATIVE IN POOL): Does that count as a confession, sir?
BIDEN: I'm seeking absolution!
This lost bet is the latest evidence that Vice President Joe Biden should retire from politics and accept the role he was born to play as the nation's de facto tipsy uncle.
More proof that Joe Biden is the nation's tipsy uncle:
Biden drops the F-bomb like a teenager at a 311 concert.
Biden flirts with biker like he's Santa Claus on summer break.
Joe Biden eats ice cream like he's solving a damned cold case on a crime procedural.
Joe Biden has jokes for days.
Joe Biden for Uncle 2016!