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These lovable nerds need a measly $20 million to fix Game of Thrones' Dorne plot

HBO

Fans of HBO's Game of Thrones have a bit of a nasty reputation. I say that as a member of the club. We are known as petulant whiners, who scream into the Reddit abyss every time the showrunners deviate too liberally from the source material, George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire. And never has a Game of Thrones plot caused more yowling than the terrible Dorne storyline of season five and season six.

The adaptation flattens half a dozen extremely interesting characters into either two-dimensional sexpots or premature corpses. It erases one of A Song of Ice and Fire's most significant in-world criticisms of violence and power. It makes no sense on a logical level, as it involves a lot of teleportation onto boats. I could go on, but no one needs another blog post about it. What we do need is a solution!

you have the same number of hours in a day as these nerds

To that end, a team of plucky go-getters have come together to do something useful with their dissatisfaction. They're seeking $20 million on Kickstarter to shoot and distribute an alternate Dorne story at the same production values as the rest of Game of Thrones. I bet every single one of these folks owns that "You have the same number of hours in a day as Beyoncé" mug.

The "Fixing Dorne" squad's promise to all of the backers of the project is "cosmic assurance that they have taken the right side of history in the struggle against impractical whips and male-written cattiness." Have you ever read a better call to arms?

jonathan ying

(Jonathan Ying / Fixing Dorne)

These folks make totally reasonable suggestions like, "Maybe the big bad ax guy gets to use his ax?" and "Obara, Nymeria, and Tyene Sand will be distinct characters." They also make totally acceptable jokes such as, "We will try to hire Nikolaj Coster-Waldau to play Jaime Lannister (and ask him to issue a formal apology to the Egyptian people for Gods of Egypt)." My heart is bursting, watching these ambitious little scamps shoot for the stars.

If we don't make this dream come true then what are we even using this stupid world wide web for?


Learning the Game of Thrones theme song on a futuristic keyboard