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Jake Gyllenhaal as a furious ferret enthusiast is the best thing I will ever see in my miserable life

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Comedy Central

I don't really like to explain jokes — because as you may know, explaining jokes is a federal offense under the Insufferable Boy at a Party statute — but during my 12.5 months working at The Verge, I have been very invested in a running joke called "Kaitlyn references Jake Gyllenhaal for no reason in one article per week because she loves him so much it sometimes pains her physically."

I guess I've been busy or an oblivious jerk lately because Jake Gyllenhaal's name hasn't appeared on this website in a WHOPPING 43 DAYS. Presumably that is why he filmed an incredible segment for Inside Amy Schumer, which has made me so happy that I now have a stomach ache.

this is as good as life gets for any of us

In it, he plays Jake Gyllenhaal, a ferret enthusiast. Amy Schumer plays your standard "upsetting reality television participant with a tragic desire to become famous," who believes she is being catfished by a man claiming to be Jake Gyllenhaal (or "katfished," for legal reasons, I imagine). I won't explain the rest of the plot because I really want you to watch it unfold with your own eyes (as best you can, through tears of mirth). Just know that life won't get better for you than this moment. Not ever. Is that sad? No, because this is actually a higher peak than I ever imagined for myself, or for you.

Something you might not know about Jake Gyllenhaal is that he auditioned to be Frodo in Lord of the Rings but didn't know he was supposed to do a British accent.

Something you might not know about The Verge's Jake Kastrenakes is that I hate him.

jake's opinion