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It's time you learned the truth about geese

It's time you learned the truth about geese


Geese, louise!

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Think about all the instances of geese you know and love from popular culture: Mother Goose, the Drake-approved OVO x Canada Goose collab, Grey Goose (got you feelin' real loose). Take all of these warm, happy thoughts from your mind and throw them in the trash, where they belong. Because what I'm about to show you is going to change everything you know about geese.

Last weekend I went to Central Park and saw something peculiar:


I've never known geese to be violent, but this goose was mad. You can barely make out its tiny gaping mouth in this photo, but that goose is mid-hiss at the crowd that had formed around it and its goslings. You also can't see the two other goslings just out of frame in this photo, clearly left for dead by the mother goose.

And then I saw this tweet and everything just clicked for me:

Oh my G(oose), what?! Let's take a closer look at these horrible, walking vuvuzelas:


Who allowed this to happen?


Why has God forsaken us?


I can't.

And as if this wasn't enough nightmare-fodder, our managing editor T.C. mentioned that leatherback turtle mouths are more or less also one-way portals to hell:


Everything is awful.