Today on the internet, some ordinary Americans who are very thrilled about their forthcoming offspring are expressing their excitement in a creative and highly American manner. That is to say, they are filling boxes with colored powder, and then shooting the boxes from afar with heavy artillery. The box blows up, showering the world with antiquated expressions of gender. Beautiful.
"Do you know if it's a boy or girl?"
"No, we want to be surprised."
*pulls out gun* "JUST KIDDING, MY BABY'S BIOLOGICAL SEX WILL BE WRITTEN IN THE TREES WITH SMOKE AND FIRE. I THINK THE JUXTAPOSITION OF NEW LIFE AND EVER-PRESENT DEATH WILL BE VERY POETIC"
"Is that really why?" "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA [BULLET NOISES]"
"Is that really why?"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA [BULLET NOISES]"
It's a girl! pic.twitter.com/aOMAlEmLbu— Kelly (@KellBelleTN) May 6, 2016
Online reactions to these displays of affection have been mixed. They range from "It's a smoke monster! Mazel tov!" to "Thank you for showing that, in America, we really do love our guns and the right to bear them more than we love our children" to "I think it's ADORABLE."
While many of the replies posited that celebrating life with a "killing device" may be demented, one patriot rebutted that line of argument saying, "It's fucking adorable and a spoon can be used as a killing device." Very interesting, the debates we're having on public platforms these days.
Best baby announcement ever. pic.twitter.com/voJYzlFgQa— Kelly (@KellBelleTN) May 6, 2016